Saturday, March 07, 2009

The Gravity Of Pepsi

Gravely, with great gravity, heavy and yet attractive, I report on the latest inanity documented by brilliant Ben of Bad Science -

How to justify a $1.5m pitch to change the Pepsi Logo: The Theory of Relativity.

Question: WHY change?

Answer: Why not? All these design people coming up through the universities, all these trainee managers with their MBA theses set to ruin the average workers' day... Gotta give them something to do. Shut Up, Move On, as the latest fad business books say.

Comment: For fuck's sake, you say "Change is the one constant", yeah I know that, but there's also an expression that goes, "Leave well enough alone," vernacularized to, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Question: Why the Theory of Relativity?

Answer: Why not? It's sorta funny, in an "I'm smarter than you," sorta way.

Comment: Leave the Pepsi logo alone you fucking idiots. There is no money left to change all those brick walls in India, all those shop banners in the Philippines! Don't you guys get it? It's the GDII!

I'm fucked, you're fucked, the whole economy's fucked, it the biggest fuck-up ever, we're all totally fucked! To coin a phrase. And your response is that you want to change the Pepsi logo?

Get The Fuck Outa Here!


Note: this stuff may be a viral marketing spoof.



Indiana said...

You could do the same as for a reason why people should be attracted to read E@L ~grin~

expat@large said...

Heavy and yet attractive - absolutely!

DanPloy said...

It may be a spoof, but as the article says it is frighteningly believable.

I worked at Philips when they sacked the director of research from the board and replaced him with one of these MBA dandies. He immediately replaced the then logo 'let's make things better' with 'sense and sensibility' immediately inferring Philips no longer were making things better.

Whilst that may have been true I am sure it was not the intention of the marketing prick. We had all the pseudo-scientific presentations doing the rounds to justify this nonsense logo. I remember some open cardboard box which supposedly represented all our ideas, only it was empty.

'We live in a world that has indulged these buffoons for so long that they think they are heroes, while nerds are regarded with contempt.'

savannah said...

i say walk away from all things branded...go generic. live the repo man lifestyle. chic and cheap, sugar...according to the nyt anyway. xoxoxo

Momentary Madness said...

"science is a thief," ha, that's for sure.
To some degree I accept it, in another, definitely a rip-off.
No doubt there are always discoveries about how our imagination is stimulated, and you’ll always have those with a vested interest in knowledge.
Yes, always someone trying to make a fast buck, and that’s what has us in the shit we’re in; make money - get rich - quick, ignore the long term repercussions.
This comment requires more elaboration but I wont bore, ye "get the drift."
"Well why do we dream in metaphors?
Try to hold on to something we couldn't understand.

Tell me why must we argue loudly? When peace is our one salvation
I couldn't understand

expat@large said...

Dan: I'm ex-Philips myself and I was glad to see "let's make things better" go. It implied we weren't making them properly to being with. When I started we had old badge with the wavy lines only. Now it's gone minimilasy with just the word in Gill Sans...

My current company is in the middle of changing it's excellent, timeless logo, "science & humanity" with something like "let's ride out this shitstorm"...

expat@large said...

Sav: but you know what happens at end of KVjr's Player Piano? We all get sucked in again, because we are hard-wired to conform. We think we are steering this tofo elephant, but if she wants to go this way, we go this way...

MM: never saw no miracle of science, didn't go from a blessing to a curse... but let me say this first...

dibabear said...

The white part of the new Pepsi logo reminds me of the outline of a stomach. It infers either "drink this and rot your guts out" (yay!) or "drink this and grow a bigger one of these" (not so yay).

At least your employers current slogan is relevant. I think ours is "we're flush with cash but let us take this opportunity to stick it to our now captive employees". That said at least I have a job for the foreseeable future.

savannah said...


that's it.

i am done.

savannah said...

not with blogging, just worrying about what the hell is going to happen next! xoxox

expat@large said...

Sav: I thought you meant done with trying to cheer us up!

Momentary Madness said...

I bet you got that message in a bottle?

.... I've lost my faith;-)

savannah said...

my darling! i live to cheer ya'll up! it is the highlight of mah day to try and bring a lil bit o' southern sunshine into ya'll's life! iah am nothing unless i can bring a smile o'delight and joy to ya'll! xoxox ;)

(but yeah, i was done with the economic doom & gloom, sugarpie)

Creepy said...

New is not always better. And change merely for the sake of change sucks. Majorly.

expat@large said...

"Don't you like change?" they used to ask me. "Are you afraid of change?"

You may as well ask me if I like dinner.

What does it mean, change? What's FOR dinner?


By "dinner" do you mean pate de foie gras melted onto an hot-seared eye fillet, crisply steamed fresh vegetables and potatoes dauphin, or do you mean creamed dog's turd on a bed of lawn clippings?

Fuck off with "change", if it is just shorthand for cost-cutting, or for giving the suits something to present at all those meetings.

expat@large said...

Speaking of business meetings: The manager just walked in all serious business-like and said:

"This Pattaya meeting...

Bring your golf clubs."

savannah said...

what? i give you sober sunshgime (as opposed to drunken commenting now) and i get nuttin???? :D

(i love you anyway)

savannah said...

gawd, i hate word verification6 tries
corkpon wtf?

expat@large said...

Sav: LOL - "sunshgime"? Ah, OK you're brightening things up all right... Hey since when do I HAVE to comment on everyone's comment? I'm only a rude Aussie, remember!

Word Verif: I spend hours thinking up new ones.

& sunshine? Well, apart from the HUGE dark storm clouds rolling up over Sentosa as I type this. I have quite a dramatic view one of the cruise ships sneaking out, trying to avoid the rain. It is still in the sunlight all white and bright, its smoke now being sucked towards the rapidly apporaching storm, now spiralling away... a streak of lightnening flashes, and I wait -- ggrikkuummmberber -- the thunder growls.

savannah said...

dammit...i just remembered the drunk commenting here and thought i could trash it before you saw it! *sigh*
although, your comments are enough to remind me never, ever to drunktype here!

(i love you!)

expat@large said...

Sav: muaks!

Skippy-san said...

Keep drinking Pepsi! I just bought 10 shares of their stock.

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