Friday, November 20, 2009

Another Austrian-Made Sugar Water Energy Drink

Found a new sugar water on sale in Singapore today. Made in Austria, it says on the can. It's called "Naughty G Cola". Also comes in "Original" (WTF? do they mean Red Bull?), Green Tea and "No Sugar" flavours.

It has a rather insipid cola taste IMHO, and is very low in fizz - no Schweppervescence here. But I noticed my hands shaking about 15 mins later.

"Makes you powerful", said the sales lady, which is the usual Asian way of not-saying that it is an aphrodisiac and will give you wood. The name of the stuff, the web-site and the promotional material in general are highly unambiguous about the sexual benefits of this sugar-water for both Men and Women. You're going have "Stamina and performance" in your Naughtieness-

For men that means you will obtain and maintain an engorged penis for the purpose of sustained sexual intercourse and you will have the mindless energy (from that insulin rush basically) to keep going until she tells to for god's sake stop.

For women, the "G" in the sugar-water's name implies enhanced sexual receptivity and arousal at the mythical G-spot which is allegedly about 4-8cm into the vagina on the upper (front) wall just behind the internal urethral sphincter (which is probably what the G-spot actually is, anatomically), to keep her secretions coming (as it were) while the C&I rush will also give her the "stamina" to stay awake during the man's repetitive "bit of the old in-out in-out" performance with his persistently rigid John Thomas.

Just remember True Blood's Jason Stackhouse and his V-induced priapism, how it required several fat needle aspirations of his bloated cock to remove the blood clots. I'm just saying... Maybe Naughty G DOESN'T cause your dick to explode, but... I'm just saying... But be warned...


Why does it allegedly do all this? L-arginine.

The L-arginine they call the Miracle Molecule in this drink is a left spiralling isomer of an amino-acid that in combination with oxygen, reacts with the precusor vasodilator e-nitric oxide synthase (eNOS) to create actual arterial vasodilation, a rush of blood, after some stimulus such as physical activity which will cause an increase of the flow-pressure (the shear stress) on the healthy arterial wall, followed by this simple sequence of events:-

O2 + L-arginine + eNOS (produced by shear stress) -> L-citrulline and NO -> guanylyl cyclase -> guanosine 5'-triphosphate -> cyclic-guanosine monophosphate and then... 'abracadabra' the arterial wall muscle relaxes which increases blood flow. And there's a rush of blood to the sexual organs requiring their immediate and complete satisfaction with whomever happens to be within 6 inches of you at the time.

Got it? No? Maybe this diagram will help.

(New England Journal of Medicine)

Or maybe this one from Da Vinci is easier for my artistically inclined readers to follow.

As you all are no doubt are aware, normally you have enough L-arginine in your system already and the problem with poor vascular function is the lack of supply of eNOS, as it is snaffled up by free radicals or maybe the endothelium itself is damaged and doesn't produce enough eNOS (which is what happens with high cholesterol and smoking and diabetes), etc... so I'm not sure how adding extra L-arginine will help.

So really nothing happens except the usual caffeine and sugar hits.

But as they used say about a glass of water in Get Smart: (shrugs) It wouldn't hurt.

Same goes for the Horny Goat Weed. Maybe this IS what they were drinking at those True Blood Bacchanals.


And after my lunch-time can of this Austrian Zhong Hua Niu Bian, I've been sitting here typing this post (instead of working) and I have not had even one inkling of any malignant penile tumescence and engorged bloating requiring needle aspirations. Not once. Thank fucking cheeeeerist!



Stephen Folan said...

I've just got into True Blood on UK Television. I even bought the album by Jace Everett that that theme somg comes from and it's not bad.

Lost in Melbourne said...

All the science be damned in the end if it did not work. Although to be more scientific in the study a sample size of more than 1 could be required...

Lost in Melbourne said...

with all those hills to climb in Austria it is no wonder they all need a little extra energy kick to keep going Phil

Dick Headley said...

I thought Da Vinci was a backdoor guy.

expat@large said...

H-G: that southern boogie is addictive.

Scott: I was blinded by science. I'm off to Austria in March for a ski trip. I think after day 1 on the slopes I'll need to be mainlining this stuff.

DH: that's the rumour. This pic is part of the evidence - the care with which he drew the male, the slapdash nature of the hag-like female.

Note the lines extending from the sacral spinal canal to the penis. Fanciful anatomy, paradigmatic of the contemporary medical thought that the nerves carried the 'vital force'. He believed in it being that way, so he saw it that way when he cut up his cadavers. (See: Thomas Kuhn, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions, for the correct usage of the term 'paradigm.) Even we geniuses suffer from wishful thinking on occasion.

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