Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Madoff Released Early For Good Behaviour

News Flash

Just in from: MurdochBreakingBlogs, (All The News, Ever, Whether You Want It Or Not)

Stardate: 2148, June 30th.

NewYork: 21st Century criminal Bernie Madoff, who did something wrong so long ago the method of archiving the criminal records is so out of date we can't read it, was released 21 years early today, on a good behaviour bond and because of his milestone birthday. Madoff, who is now exactly 200 years old, was sentenced to 150 years in jail way back, shit long time ago, in them old days, if you can believe that.

"If they'd sentenced me to death, it would all have been over a looooooooong time ago," he opined through artificial lips in front of his cloned larynx with air expelled from his xenotransplanted lungs by a bionic diaphragm. "I just want to die," he continued. "I've been taking it up the clister in the shower blocks for the last 130 years, enough already! Stick a fork in may ass and turn me over, I'm done."

When the sunlight finally hit Mr Madoff's aged body as he ventured out into the street, an unfortunate and unexpected chemical reaction occured which caused the ex-con to burst into flames, and within seconds his smouldering black ashes were dissipated up Wall St by a sudden gust of wind that came out of the ass of nowhere, like a divine fart of retribution. As his remains scattered, the wind seemd to cry, "Good fucking riddance, you thieving, lying, sociopathically greedy fucking bastard," but that could merely be this ancient, poor reporter's vivid imagination as he put down his large bucket, emptied now of petrol, and put the matches back into his pocket.

Meanwhile in Cell Block H(ell) Parole Board Hearing Room, through a barred window overlooking the scene just described, someone called Alan Sandford, with a similar 20 years left on his sentence for crimes of an unknown nastiness, was seen to immediately call the to guard for more sunscreen.


for Momentary Madness to have somewhere to post his comments.


Dick Headley said...

Help, my mouse is out of control. I keep scrolling down to Izzy.

expat@large said...

Dick, if she was on your couch in a sexy dress, sitting back with a glass of wine and chatting with her gorgeous girlfriend, you'd also would be telling them to shut the frack up because you're trying to watch the last few episodes of the final series of Battlestar Galactica! Or is that just me?

knobby said...

Yes, that's just you.

I'd much rather watch Family Guy or something.

Momentary Madness said...

I don’t want to appear hypocritical, I am I guess, or?
Madoff ripping off billions from the wealthy - what can I say - I love it.
The fact they got ripped proves they had no idea where/what their money was doing.
You and I know where a lot of investment goes; most of it is immoral.
Madoff, and his victims all deserve each other, and it is an example of how our whole society works or operates; one feeding off the other. “ THE MADOFF SYNDROME” Always looking for more, and more, with their wealthy charity parties giving to (mostly) the poverty they have helped create in the first place.
Covering up their guilt, or as my mother usd to say: buying their way into heaven.
"There's no hidin' place from the fther of creation, one love, one hert, lets get together, and feel alright, give thanks and ......"

Dick Headley said...

Izzy can sit on my couch anytime. I might even let her sit on my face.

Lost in Melbourne said...

I love his comedy name Bernie Madoff...

Bernie Made Off with everyone's money eh?

I read that they have frozen USD$170 billion of assets from this scam, so I think there will be some cash to be handed back to the victims.

Unknown said...

Why did I hear strains of "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..." reading DH's comment above?

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