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Friday, June 05, 2009

Kill Bill Thrill Will Still Fill Hankerchief

What a wanker! Take one shoelace, one penis, one more shoelace, one neck, join. Tie hands to neck. Hop into cupboard. Await maid. "BOO! I'm dead!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was that elaborate preparation just to elicit a freaking ejaculation? Holy hell, settle down you ginormous penis wanking people. It's just a muscle spasm or four. It's just a meaningless dumping of excess fluids. (OK so I have trouble understanding the Tao of Orgasm.)

Like Carradine couldn't score something better than the dopamine rush of an anoxic jerk-off in the cupboard - and how ironic? He pulls himself to death in Bangkok, city of thousand ways to lose your load!

Like he couldn't get some (relatively safe) 2-girl thrill round the corner at Eden club? Like a 2-girl soapie at Annie's Place wouldn't be the most brilliant all over sensation imaginable? Like a like trip up the wrong path at a lady-boy club wouldn't enhance his Holly-WOOD reputation, and maybe ignite a special fire in his loins?

Mind you, even the girls at Lolitas can give bad blow-jobs on occasion.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Grasshopper...




E@L

(p.s. E@L's sympathies to the deceased's family.)

21 comments:

Alvin said...

You are very knowledgeable about the Big Mango!

savannah said...

really?

xoxo

Istvanski said...

"You are not ready for instruction of The Kunying Porntip, Grasshopper..."

It's a bloody shame. I enjoyed his acting.

expat@large said...

Alv: I have reliable sources.

Sav: Yep!

Ist: Yeah, real pity.

expat@large said...

Sav: I presumed you were asking about the bad BJ, right?

dh said...

Brace yourselves for a tsunami of Carradine jokes...closet buddhists, Thaied up...etc,etc..

savannah said...

no, sugar, i meant "really, his death was all about sex?" *sigh*
xoxox

@dh...i hadn't even thought of that until you mentioned it, sugar! xoxox

Lulu LaBonne said...

I now realise that I have been cast adrift from what's really going on - I shall have to visit more often.
xx

expat@large said...

Sav: correct answer was "That's right E@L. Sigh."


DH: David Carradine hobbles into a bar, the waiter says, "..."

a) You're not wearing shoes. No shoes no service.
DC says, "I can service myself, thank you."

b) Orgasm? (Baileys Cream and Cointreau - don't ask why).
DC says "Make it a double, I didn't go through all this fucking origami for just one."

c) Oxygen? You look like you need it.
DC says, "No thanks, I'm a Thaied up closet Buddhist and I'm beastly dead."



Lulu: yep, welcome, this IS where's all happening. Or not.

scott said...

I thought you might post a clip from the old channel 7 fast forward series with the crappy Steve Vizard send ups of Kung Fu

expat@large said...

Scott: good idea... too late now.

scott said...

use it in the follow up post as from the news I would say you will need one

expat@large said...

Scott: I need an idea? ?Que! Which item of news? Bit confused. Could be the drugs.

scott said...

http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/people/david-carradines-family-call-in-the-fbi-20090608-c00x.html

expat@large said...

Conspiracy!!

Jay said...

Brings new meaning to the jokes we told as youths about "GI Joe with a Kung Fu grip" not being able to miss a stroke.

scott said...

http://www.theage.com.au/news/entertainment/film/2009/06/09/1244313127707.html

expat@large said...

Scott: from the pathetically ridiculous to the sublimely insane...

"David Carradine was murdered by a secret kung fu sect, his family has claimed.

Relatives of the Kill Bill star believe he was "assassinated" because he was trying to expose an underworld martial arts group."


He certainly "exposed" something, like his wang...

Jay said...

I don't think his assass was inated though I do think he held a death grip on whatever it was he was exposing.

And I am sympathetic to his family but man, auto-erotic asphyxiation? At 72? Sounds like a song from Spanky Goes To Hollywood. Or maybe a little Wang Chung tonight?

Sorry I'll quit soon, I promise.

Jay said...

If they want a conspiracy, how about Bruce Lee, who faked his death to lay in wait these last 30 years, seeking revenge on Carradine for taking the role Lee rightly deserved (Kung Fu)? Nah, that ones not far fetched enough.

expat@large said...

Jay: LOL. The Bruce Lee theory should get more air-time, I like it.

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