Monday, November 17, 2008

Old Man Pisses Himself, Blames Meds

The combination of Cymbalta and Tramadol, while not making me as crazy as the Effexor did with Tramadol, still have a similar strangling and numbing effect on my prostate. I have been back on the Tramadol at the insistence of my neurologist, who thinks I was mistaken about the Serotonin Syndrome. The prostate issue is a bloody nuisance. I really cannot judge the sensation of pissing. It is quite weird. And embarrassing.

I was in the loo for a "quick" slash while everyone was waiting for me at the lift to go for lunch. Dum-de dum dum… Waiting, listening for a tinkle, eventually getting one, letting it gravity feed away… Slowly, no power, pushing doesn't help. Just waiting, as it dribbles away. This is terrible! Only one more month on this drug, I swear that's all, that's enough.…

Thinking I'd finished, I gave the shrunken python a shake or two. Then once more just in case. Then I let hang to drain a bit more. Pause. Then another shake-shake. Pause. Then, confident it was all over with, I zipped up… just a fraction early it seemed. As I turned away from the urinal I caught my reflection in the large mirror - the inner part right leg of my trousers was soaked with a salami-sized stain, nearly down to my knee.


I tried to sneak back to the office but everyone caught me - "Hey, where you going?" I was half turned away, crouching over to try and hide the immense wet-spot, sneaking off like some kypho-scoliotic bell-ringer. "Trouble!" I cried back. "Catch you later…"

"Don’t worry," said the cute new girl who managed to espy my problem, "is very raining, people cannot tell."

"Ha, ha, it's raining all right. Down my leg. It's OK, you guys go…" I said.




My wet thigh.



Indiana said...

If there is a next time, I suggest you splash water all over your front of your pants and shirt...then storm out of toilet with paper towel dabbing at it and muttering, "stupid fucking tap"...then complain about how it exploded water all over you :-)

It's what I would do.

DanPloy said...

I think you need some super absorbent Y-fronts, preferably with an inner lining and elastic strong enough to stop blood flow. You just need to tuck the little bugger in them quickly enough to avoid spurts and dribbles.

Hope that helps.

savannah said...

i agree with indy, the old "damnfaucetsprayedme" ploy is the best! xoxoxo

expat@large said...

Indy, Sav: It was too prominent and obviously a long dribble that I would have had to drench my entire pants to feign a faucet splashback excuse.

Dan: I'm thinking of wearing s condom everywhere.

I'm also coming off the Tramadol - major drowsiness issues.

Creepy said...

I'm glad Cymablta and Klonopin don't have such adverse synergy.

expat@large said...

Creepy: I've taken myself off the Tramadol again. Gradually the wrapping of thick air around me has dissipated and I can think clearly again, stay awake in the mid afternoon and piss relatively straight.

Free Podcast

Related Posts with Thumbnails