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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Thailand Continues To Use "Bogus" Detectors

The United Kingdom has placed an export ban on a bomb (and/or drug) detection device, the ADE651, which under analysis proves to be a complete sham. The ban is only effective for Iraq and Afghanistan however, so other countries continue to be free to purchase the expensive pieces of empty plastic.

I described the ADE651 in a previous post. Now I see there is even a blog dedicated to exposing this device. But here is an interesting (I think) update:

In Thailand, similar dousing technology devices are still in use for the detection of illegal drugs! Detection equipment called the Alpha6 and the GT200 are said to be able to detect 70% of drugs (or bombs in Iraq?), slightly more than 2/3. Maybe the same number of red herrings?

By how much are the Thai authorities being ripped off? The Alpah6 is cheap (Bht400,000, £7,500, USD$12K) but is supposed to detect only drugs, whereas the more expensive GT200 (Bht900,000-1,200,000, £22,500, USD$36k), it is asserted, can detect both drugs and explosive.

They have even ordered more for Phuket!

But here is an interesting alleged quote used in that forum discussion - I don't know whether it is a fake or not:

"an officer with the Phuket Department of Disaster Prevention and Mitigation, says that procurement procedures mean that it would take around one month to sort out the kickbacks."


Ha ha. Scary.

But do they detect wishful thinking, one wonders. Or greedy, lying salesmen and greedy, corrupt politicians and officials?

~~~~~~~~~~~

As I said on the previous post, these "molecular resonance" devices actually 'work' on the same principle as water dousing, according to the maker of the ADE651, Jim McCormick. Such a method is exactly as reliable as homeopathy: which is to say they don't work at all. These things are merely something the desperate, confused, vulnerable and gullible stretch for when real equipment (or medicine) has reached its limit. Which is to say, it works at the level of the placebo effect. It only has subjectively positive results if you believe it works, and that type of 'working' is unable to be measured or confirmed by any test or trial anyone can devise. Which, I repeat, means they don't work at all.

This "glorified dousing device" is sensitised to whatever it is you want it to detect; specific types of explosives, or certain drugs, and it is claimed that "under ideal conditions" it can detect such substances from up to a mile away.

It is allegedly 'powered' (it doesn't need power) from static electricity generated by the body as the user walks along. Never mind that such static electricity generation requires a certain type of friction, such as walking over a carpet (zap! when you touch a doorknob), and you would not generate any measurable or usable quantity of static electricity by walking over gravel or dust.

The bits of plastic and tin used in Thailand are also made in England. I wonder if maybe they come from the same backyard shed in Somerset where the utterly sleazy looking Jim McCormick was churning out his ADE-651. McCormick has recently been arrested for fraud over his ADE651 device by the way.

Never believe anyone with eyebrows like this:

^_^



I said in the previous post that it beeps. It doesn't beep, in fact it is a piece of wire that swivels on a mount of plastic in a plastic hand-held holder. As shown in the BBC video (which I didn't watch completely last time, sorry!) it merely swings towards the suspect material (spooky, mystic, weird) - but in reality it swings with subtle, perhaps unconscious, movements of the wrist and shifts of body position. Wishful thinking. Auto-fulfilling prophecy. Magic. Divine intervention. Nothing.

While the articles from the Bangkok Post do not mention the English ban on the ADE-651 nor its ineffectual performance nor the arrest of McCormick, the timing of these Thai articles in interesting - exactly one week after the BBC broke the story. Methinks the Narcotics Control Board protesteth too much.

If you watch the BBC video on the second link, there you will see how "dousing rod" technology is pseudo-scientific rubbish in general and these types of devices in particular are useless and fraudulent.

In 1995 the FBI called a similar device, the Quadro Tracker, "a fraud" and warned in 1999 against buying "bogus explosive detection equipment." Note that one of the devices the Thailand military claim is effective is called the QT200.

Mmmm. QT200 = Qaudro Tracker?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I said in the earlier post, it is a worry and a disappointment that in this advanced scientific age, supposedly intelligent people who are in roles responsible for the lives of the public as well as other military (in the Iraq and Afghanistan cases) can continue fall for such plainly fake technological snake-oil, even to endorse and promote its effectiveness and continued use once the con has been exposed and the "technology" demonstrated to be non-existent.

But of course, if there is money to be shifted around corrupt officials, it sounds like a great deal - I'll buy that for a million dollars (or Baht)!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About 8 years ago, New Scientist published an article about a swabbing type device, obviously not turning much of a sceptical (i.e. scientific) eye on the technology, which was being developed at the time in bloody Geelong, my home town!

Funnily enough, I have had my bags swabbed once by what seems to me now to be such a device. This was when I was leaving Melbourne Airport several years ago. The swab was tested in a large accompanying analyser. As I hadn't stored any of the drugs they were looking for in my bags for several days (joking), the results were "negative". As I not seen the device there since, I presume it was only being tested at that time and the Airport Security (or whomever) decided not to purchase it.

But I wonder how "bogus" and "fraudulent", or just plain inadequate this type of detection device is compared to the completely useless but profitable dousers that have been imported into Iraq and Afghanistan as well as, now we see, even Thailand.

E@L

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Australia Day



Laze and germs, in honour of Australia Day here's Iva Davies and Icehouse (1982 originally)...

"Standing at the limit of an endless ocean...
Hidden in the summer for a million years
Great southern land"



Speaking of goannas... Here's the Goanna Band (also from 1982, with a slightly different message)

"They were standing on the shores one day
Saw the white sails in the sun.
Wasn't long before they felt the sting
Of white man, white law, white gun..."




I wanted to put in Midnight Oil, but they won't let me embed it, the bastards!

Bed's Are Burning

The day after Australia Day (i.e. January 27th) was the best for the first fleeters: the female convicts ships arrived. According to Robert Hughes' Fatal Shore, there was a joyous orgy of massive proportions.

The joy didn't last long however.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My son's genealogy takes him back to the First Fleet, via the female side. And now his girlfriend just received Australian citizenship today! One of the first and one of the latest! Congrats to Margot! Canadian AND Australian - it doesn't get any better than that!

E@L

Monday, January 25, 2010

Sniff This




People with half a brain have known for ages that the ADE651 "bomb detector" is perfect example of the Barnum Principle of defense spending - there's an idiot born every minute, and he's probably working as a supply person for some Armed Forces unit somewhere in the world.

FINALLY, it has been exposed for the con it is.

It's a piece of pure whiffle. It's an unglorified divining rod. It's a wank. It's a disaster capitalist's ideal opportunity: playing on the fear, ignorance and desperation of a purchaser, he can sell whatever he wants. It's open slather for some 'clever' developer/opportunsit (aka a thieving murderous cunt) like Jim McCormick (no relation to the mustard people, or me, thank Christ) to see a chance to fill a niche in the bomb/drug/fart detection industry with his pseudo-scientific con job.

The things beeps every now and then. It "works" on the same principle as a divining rod, the inventor says. Except that divining rods don't, um, work. The chip inside the machine does nothing, can do nothing according to the BBC report.

Built for about $0.30 in second-hand (or more) parts from trashed Vauxhall Victors, this device enables the purchaser to do whatever they think they would like to do with a device that does whatever they want it to do, at a bargain basement discount price of, get this, $60,000 per unit.

Rest assured that the developer of this unit has been working his mother-in-law's arse to an axe-handle width, getting her to make a few more units down in the garden shed in their dairy in Somerset (I kid you not) to continue to supply the Iraqi army (and others!) with the spare parts and back-up service they deserve for having made this canny purchase.

As it is a completely a functionless, useless piece of black-box un-technology, people's lives have been put at risk hundreds of times as serious-faced security guards have wafted it over bags, or even just pointed in the direction of whatever it is they think it can detect (whatever you "train" it to detect) over several yards, or - hey, why not? - miles.

Sometimes when I drive through checkpoints, the device moves simply because I have medications in my handbag. Sometimes it doesn't - even when I have the same handbag
Umm Muhammad, retired Iraqi schoolteacher


I wonder how many people innocent have died because this bum-fuck piece of evidence of humanity's stupidity has been used in checkpoints in Iraq?

How stupid ARE people?

How stupid ARE people in the armed forces?

How at risk are we, the general public (those of us in Iraq anyway), when people we are meant to trust fall for this sort of out and out quackery?

Who TESTS the claims of these machines before the Armed Forces buys them? No-one, no time to check, we at war with, um, terror! What about being at war with the sleazy criminals who are bleeding the armed forces of the world dry (and the people who pay the taxes which pay for it all) with their lies and half-arsed... arse. I am sorry, I am almost speechless at the criminal negligence of the people who failed to prevent this...

If more people actually knew some science, had just a tad of skepticism about these snake-oil salesmen offering them deals that are obviously too good to be true (true for the salesman's bottom line of course), then this sort of tragedy wouldn't become the farce which is playing out at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question: Why?

Answer: people who have been conditioned to believe such stupid things as there being some Big Brother in the sky who watches over them and has done for everyone else since the dawn of time - oops no, sorry, only since some Middle East Camel trader cut off his foreskin 7,000 years ago - 24/7, and who takes a very serious view of whether you call him/her alah or allen or god or baal and who will help you find your car keys but has no time to stop soldiers or rebels, in whatever war you care to name, from raping children and women or hacking or machine-gunning them to death - those sort of people will believe in anything. Obviously.

They'd even buy the ADE657.


E@L

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Value of Nothing

Further to my previous post about how giving things like "smiles" and donating to worthy charities can make you a happier person, here's a book by Raj Patel (a friend of a friend actually) which says something along the same lines.

I love those books that tear at the 'greed' and 'selfishness' mantras of the last few decades. I grew up as a self-styled urban-hippy surfer, and all that stuff was just bullshit. There was hunting the waves, the intensely personal thrill of riding them, there was being cool. Any desire for flashy worldly goods, any competitiveness, any seriousness, made you automatically a profoundly undesirable dickhead and you were out.



~~~~~~~~

Be stupid and buy it.



E@L

Big Pharma - Bad Karma

I used to rant a lot about lying drug companies. I still hate them by the way, but now that I am chronically hooked on Lamictal and Lyrica, I have a grudging respect for medications in general, if not the companies that produce them.

Non-Americans may not understand the obsession with personal psychological health and mood variation that people in the USofA seem to have. What ARE they raving about? I remember a young Yank guy in Phuket who was going home that night; he told us he had taken a Valium to keep himself calm during the packing process. WTf'ingF?

The obvious reason why Americans suffer from such mass hypochondria (surely there's a pill for that?) is the propaganda that is pumped at them day after day on the idiot box.

It's the only explanation. In Asia of course we are mass fed on such crap as skin-whitening drugs and herbal viagra, but to nowhere near the saturation levels of US television.



As I've said in those previous posts, the claim of $800m for development costs is utter bullshit - it includes $400m "opportunity costs" which is money they would have earned had they invested the cash somewhere else! WTF again! Other components of the $880m are Marketing - those TV ads - and Phase IV trials, which are merely attempts to find new uses for the drug in order to extend waning patents. What a completely transparent con! Big Pharma lies to you, and it gets away with time and time again...

Because people are sheep.

Or have you stopped reading already because you have "adult ADD", like my flatmate claims she has (bullshit, I say)?



"Disease maintenance and symptom management..."

Sigh.

What about curing my bad feet, you unglorious basterds?

E@L

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Interesting

Interesting how competition works ... a stack of six books I'm ordering from Amazon is USD$121, that's including the $36 postage to Singapore.

From BookDepository in the UK the same books are USD$136, but hey, there's "free" wordlwide delivery...

So it costs $15 extra to get them for free...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

In case you're curious, the books are:

* Julia and the Bazooka: and Other Stories (Peter Owen Modern Classics) - Anna Kavan - $15.56

* Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America - Barbara Ehrenreich - $15.64

* The Noise of Time: Selected Prose (European Classics) - Osip Mandelstam - $12.21

* Monsieur Pain - Roberto BolaƱo - $15.61

* War Against the Weak: Eugenics and America's Campaign to Create a Master Race - Edwin Black - $17.82

* First As Tragedy, Then As Farce - Slavoj Zizec - $9.32
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nearly time for YET ANOTHER bookshelf.

Brilliant idea! Store all the books I've already read. And, sigh, the ones I'm never going to read.

E@L

[re-edited for easy reading for Momentary Madness who has trouble with certain cut and paste layouts.]

My Turn

... at Microfiction Monday, hosted by Stony River.

140 characters or less for this picture:-




"I think I trod in something vaguely amusing," said Livia.

"Does it stink as much as my fucking horrible hairdo?" her sister replied.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oops! I don't think I was supposed to swear!

E@L

Monday, January 18, 2010

Smile Like You Mean It


(Bhavani from India. 3D image is a fetus with similar defect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember that scene in Doc Hollywood when Dr Ben Stone (Michael J Fox) finally gets to LA and has his first day with the super successful plastic surgeon, Dr Halberstrom, played by the ever-over-tanned George Hamilton. I haven't seen the movie lately, but I can always recall Dr Halberstrom holding the liposuction cannula like a golf-club and saying "Cleft palates, you live for those!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many sonographers are doing 3D scans of babies' faces these days. Tom Cruise even bought a 3D machine for... what's 'is wife's name these days.

Sometimes, you get the feeling families only attend the ultrasound examination in order to get their orange-colored printout or CD of the semi-profile view of their baby, all pretty and healthy.



All day the sonographers are busy scanning for 'real' rather than cosmetic reasons, such as confirming the due date and checking for things like undiagnosed twins, placenta previa, heart defects, growth failure, and other signs of life-threatening problems. When the inevitable question comes up about whether a 3D picture of the face is available, most sonographers are happy to oblige, or are forced to by their employers, even though it might add 5-10 minutes of what the sonographer may secretly think of as 'wasted time' to the already long study. About a third of mothers will be disappointed because that is the failure rate of the 3D scan - baby will be face down or there's not enough fluid around the face, or the image for whatever reason is unobtainable. By the way, studies have shown that "bonding" is no better with or without a 3D scan...

However, if the baby is in a good position and unfortunately DOES have a cleft lip and palate, the sonographer will become quite excited, even though, hopefully, they may not show this overtly.

Cleft palates, you see - You live for those.

Lots of pictures will be taken to verify the findings and with a hope to get a nice view for next week's clinical meeting. Fetal facial deformities such as clefts provide pretty much the only valid medical use of this incredibly popular scan.

But what do the parents do about it once you've found this problem? They wait. But at least it's an informed waiting. No surprises. This is what your baby is going to look like. Those high-flying cosmetic surgeons will fix it when baby is born. (I wouldn't get Michael Fox to do it nowadays though!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So what happens if the mother lives in an inaccessible region or is desperately poor or in a third world country? She might not have even seen a doctor during her pregnancy, let alone be uploading her 3D scans to Facebook. Her baby is born with what appears at first as a frightening deformity. Does she abandon the child, or does she protect it from the prejudices of those in her town/village/family? Does she leave it at an orphanage or with another family member who might or might not be able to care better for the baby? Even if the baby survives the difficulties of feeding and grows well, she or he is going to marked out as special, even unlovable, an object of peer ridicule.

In the NYT today, Nicholas Kristof quotes a a fair bit from a favorite book of mine, Jonathon Haidt's The Happiness Hypothesis. If you wonder why Ayn Rand followers all look so grumpy and unhappy in their externally successful lives, it is because they have forsworn against charity. Their philosophy is simple: "take".

Haidt's thesis however is that giving is one of the essential foundations of true, gut-deep happiness. Drugs work well against depression, as do Zen meditation and behavioral therapy. But being happy is more that not being unhappy. If you do things that occupy your mind and allow you to concentrate, shutting out distractions for an extended period of time, you will probably feel satisfied. Making little castles for role-playing games and painting little soldier figurines, for example. But such solitary pleasures only go so far. We are social creatures and need be involved in the world outside our skulls. Not only involved, but active in a positive, constructive way.

One of the great ways to be positive and use the benefits of our cultural capitalism, living in a prosperous nation, is that we can give generously to charitable organisation without losing or compromising anything of significance, like our blatantly sybaritic lifestyle.

Participating in the good works of charitable organisations, even from the distance of an online credit card payment, can provide you with a sense of connectedness to the world. Peter Singer's latest book The Life You Save argues that there is a "clear-cut moral imperative for citizens of developed countries to give more to charitable causes that help the poor." Wikipedia. Dr Singer donates 25% of his salary to UNICEF and Oxfam. Moral imperative or not, it can make you feel good to donate even a little bit to a good cause. It can be a step towards happier life, knowing you are making someone else happier, healthier, better educated, better sheltered or less hungry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Haitian earthquake is an obvious current example. Reliable charities like Oxfam or World Vision or the World Food Program enable you to direct your donation to a specific cause, such as Haiti, if you want to it that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

However, Kristof's article goes on to mention the work of the Smile Train, a group that helps children in rural areas of Africa, the subcontinent and Eastern Europe with untreated cleft lip and palate. What a great way to get involved in the world.



Stop picking your nose and help some child get a new smile.

Want to make yourself happy? Make a child smile.

(Bhavani after operation)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Any libertarians or Randians who think this is wrong can kiss my ever-smiling arse.

E@L

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Old Sensations

If there was one song ever that could get my butt up and on the dance-floor it would have to be this classic! Youtube won't allow me to import the then amazing original video set in Prague (here it is in case you've forgotten), but this is the live version from Live Baby Live shot at Wembley in ?1987. (Fuck J.D. Fortune, btw.)




The scene of the crowd bopping en-masse to the music is pretty cliche now, but this was the first video that used this wide view to show the effect the music was having on everybody, or maybe it was because INXS was the first band in the world to make those people wanna ROCK like this!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael Hutchence grew up in Hong Kong of course, and the Hong Kong cover band 9th State (named for their 9th incarnation) used to play New Sensation in the F-stop bar in Lan Kwai Fong years ago, when I lived in Hong Kong. It's been gone for ages; the tiniest bar on the planet... they set the band on a beer-coaster by the door and let them just pump great music out onto the steep cobbled street and people just hung around, listening, drinking, moving on, or they started dancing. Britta, now my best buddy's wife, and I used to just love letting our hair down, metaphorically in my case, to this song.

The thrill of dancing like no-one was watching in this tiny bar remains one of the greatest sensations of my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other than doing it again for the next umpteen years at the HK Rugby7s.

Which is why I am quickly posting this to warn everyone that I will be there again this year! Cathay Package has been purchased! Look out South Stand, look out The Tent, I'm on my way! This will make 12 out of 13 possible annual appearances. My first ever weekend in Hong Kong back in 1998 was indeed The 7s! I thought, Oh My Fucking God! Think Superbowl, non-stop for three days!

I missed last year for some work reasons, but I will be back...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I told you
That we could fly
'Cause we all have wings
But some of us don't know why...

Michael Hutchence


E@L

[p.s. I have an inside scoop on Mick's death, but I have to remain hush-hush.]

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Recommendations Needed

Is there anything else out there like the following three novels/novellas?

More about HungerMore about DownstreamMore about Notes from Underground

I crave more of the desperately poor, semi-psychotic, philosophical loner types - without stretching it as far as Westerns of course. You'd think in my ridiculously over-the-top library there would be something, yar? But nothing since Denis Johnson's "Jesus' Son" has come even close. Defying my New Year's resolution AGAIN of buying 1) nothing contemporary and 2) nothing American and decidedly 3) nothing contemporary American, I purchased Andre Dubus III "The Garden Of Last Days", set in a strip-club (why am I thinking of the movie Exotica?) and left it in the sushi restaurant tonight... What an idiot.

More about Jesus' SonMore about The Garden of Last Days


E@L

Monday, January 11, 2010

A Day At The Office - Twitter

From an anonymous Japanese German* Twit, freshly translated by E@L:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:23: Woke feeling like crap warmed up.

8:17: Breakfast was real crap.

9:14: Faced with a whole pile of fresh crap at work this morning.

11:33: Boss asked how it was going. I gave him a shit-eating grin.

12:59: Crap food for lunch.

2:06: More of the same crap. Plus some new crap!

5:24: Nothing but crap all day.







[Video link deleted by Singapore MDA]








7:28: Note to self: Must quit this scat porno movie business.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* What is it with these Germans?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Breaking News: people vomit whilst reading E@L's bog. I'm sorry I'll read that again, "E@L's blog".

(I thought it was funny: where would we be without toilet humour!)

E@L

Friday, January 08, 2010

DƩjƠ Brothel View

Just as happened when E@L first came to Singapore in 1983, the Sanur taxi-driver overestimated the level of debauchery they were seeking as he took E@L and his buddy into pathways dim, where a small hotel had been converted into something more and yet, something less.

E@L and friend were actually looking for a bar where they could chat to girls, play a game of pool or two and drink a few beers. Something similar to the bars of Thailand.

This was exactly what E@L and a Dutch acquaintance from bar of the same hotel (The Cockpit) were looking for in pre-4FoW Singapore all those years ago.

And, as at that time, after walking through a small gate, they were confronted by a display of melancholy girls seated around a table. Here in Bali, there were about 20 girls each with a large button on their clothes showing a number. E@L ventured to ask who was from Bali but none of the girls put up their hands. They were from Java, one offered.

In Singapore, when the girls were trooped in for a viewing, there was no-one looking happy he recalled. E@L was all for running away immediately, but the Dutch guy wanted to ask the price. He converted it to Guilder and was shocked. "So expensive. In Amsterdam only xxx Guilder!" E@L was shocked at the price of the beer they were offered - $7. They left immediately and the taxi-driver apologetically, and perhaps pissed at not getting his finder's fee, took them to a disco in a car-park where beer cost the same.

In Sanur, it was the same. No-one smiled. Trafficked in from the adjacent large island, maybe from Jakarta or perhaps the small stone-age villages of the jungles where poverty and desperation were rife, these sex-slaves had given up so much. Dignity, freedom, their passports. Perhaps they still owed the snake-heads money for the privilege of being taken down to this level of degradation...

E@L and friend moved out quickly. The taxi-driver, apologetic and perhaps upset at not getting his finder's fee, took them instead to a Spa where they received normal Balinese massage, no Plus.

E@L

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Accessory

Her brown thighs spread wide around his body and her hands rested calmly on her knees despite the thrust which moved her. A white singlet hugged her narrow body and its straps exposed her tanned shoulders. E@L could just make out the smallest of denim shorts hugging her butt.

"Does every motorcycle come with an accessory like that?" E@L asked his buddy as the couple - Western man, Asian woman - squeezed their bike past their taxi on the narrow road from Ubud to Sanur...


~~~~~~~~~~~

I notice a decided trend towards "peeping-tom"ism in these posts lately.

E@L

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Blame Anthony Bourdain

I do. Each of my teeth has its own separate hangover. That third martini must have been spiked. I recall jauntily launching myself downhill on the road to my hotel - alone for some reason - when a taxi driver took pity on me and bundled my sorry excuse for a body into his car for God knows how much money.

I also recall hugging the band's guitarist like he was my long lost (Balinese) brother, but I also told the singer she should wear high heels. This was later (how much later, I can't tell you) at a completely empty club I recollect as being called IngSoc, but that maybe due to us talking Orwellian Newspeak earlier in the day. I am feeling double plus ungood currently. We toasted the late great Keith Floyd, goddam him.

My head says eat, but my stomach says no fucking way.

There's a sign on the wall (but you've got to be sure) about Bourdain claiming Nury's BBQ place (candlelit due to a rainstorm) to have the best martini on the planet. Unfortunately, Jeremy told us, this declaration never made it to his (Bourdain's, that is, Jeremy doesn't have one, but do I have his card) TV show. Meanwhile (or later, or earlier) I was explaining the indubitable (I think Adam tried to use that word first, but pronounced it "inbubblable" - he had commenced on the martinis before us) superiority of Frank Moorhouse's book on martinis as I sipped on my second vodkatini (is a vodka martini, strictly speaking, a martini?) when the rational world began to collapse around me. Is Ubud really a martini town, I kept asking no-one in particular.

Somehow, around 1am, I had survived thus far and wisely decided to repair to my hotel in order to repair, which has only partially succeeded thus far. I believe Daryl witnessed my return. He was sitting bemused in a chair in reception surrounded by fuzzy lizard creatures. I may be wrong in this.

~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning I shocked the gardener into silence by walking out naked to collect my swimming trunks which had been drying on the balcony.

Ungood.

How was your night?

E@L

Monday, January 04, 2010

Shrine

The plump woman came sedately down the steep path of steps towards the small stone shrine. Clouds of sweet-smelling incense trailed behind her from a green woven tray of offerings she was bearing on her head. She descended past lichen-covered carved monkeys and the firmly packed stones of the 80 year old resort's retaining walls, past the swimming pool where we lazed in the sun or floated on life-saver rings in the shade. She paused at the steps to the shrine, then walked up slowly between its narrow gates and took the tray from her head to place it on one of the walls of the shrine. Several smaller trays of woven bamboo strip, each full of brightly colored flowers and strips of leaf were arranged on the larger tray. Calmly, she placed a foot on the base of the square central column of the shrine and pulled herself up with one hand to place one of the small flower trays near the top level. She stepped down again and moved back to her tray. She then took several of the incense sticks from the tray, pulled herself up again and wedged a smoking stick into a chink in the carved stone near the top where the flowers were, one here, two there. On a ledge below, at about the middle layer of the carvings, she placed a square of leaf that supported a portion of rice. Back at the tray, she untied the knot on a plastic bag and pulled the bag down so that the lid of a small jar was exposed. The jar contained a dark liquid. She poured some of the liquid into a Chinese tea-cup sized plastic bowl and placed the bowl of dark liquid on the other side of the middle ledge from the rice. From a pink plastic container shaped like a Maggi sauce bottle, she poured a clear liquid into larger, brass bowl. This must have been water. Holding this larger bowl in front of her, she faced the shrine, first at the front then at either side as she dipped her fingers into the bowl and with a pink flower petal held between her index and middle fingers, ceremoniously sprinkled water to the left and to the right of the shrine with upward flicks of her hand. After each sprinkle she made a slow wave of her hand, palm forward, fingers together, and with closed eyes made a silent supplication to the Balinese gods of the forest and the river. From just below us, the murmur of cascading water rose through the dense and precisely sculpted jungle.

We relaxed.

Nick, relaxing


Going down the pool?

E@L

Saturday, January 02, 2010

The Road To Bali (aka Highway To Hell)

Checking out in a minute, but just a brief comment (HA!) or two about this god-forsaken ironic quotes paradise end ironic quotes.

It took me two hours to get across Kuta to Legian last night. About 15 minutes normally. Nevermind that the address I was given was wrong and I ate by myself, but to go 200m in 20 mins is just bullshit. With the amount of money that has poured into Bali over the years, primarily from Australians - surfers at first, yobbo tourists and their yobbo little brats of kids later - you'd think that SOME of that balance of trade would go towards doing something with the infrastructure. Despite its fame as a tropical mecca, it is one of the most tourist unfriendly places I have ever visited. It makes Chiang Mai look like Paris. Way too narrow, unmaintained streets; chaos at every jammed intersection; completely ungracious road-manners (no, you CAN'T get in, even though it means I will block the oncoming traffic for another 20 mins); cars parked in the most inconvenient and unlawful places; motorcycles clunking against panels as they weave through; pedestrians hopping like deer suddenly into the headlights because the footpaths are jammed with hawkers, rubbish and ankle-turning broken tiles...

OK, I am staying at Kuta these first few nights before I move up to Ubud for a week, but the fact remains that this is a third world shithole - even the ocean is shit here, chocked with detritus and flotsam, dark and uninviting (wrong season I am told).

Of course we know where the tourist money does go - down the greedy throats of those bloated ultra-corrupt politicians and businessmen (same thing) in Java, minus the 10% that is pulled off at EVERY stage of the logistical transfer of the loot. Christ, even the typists have to take their cut before they will prepare any documents.

What the fuck am I doing in Kuta? I don't surf any more, so why come here? Ah, that's right, Mates Rates at the resort and an upgrade to a suite.

For all this ruin, I blame Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour (who was a Mexican lady by the way. Not many people knew that, even in the bigoted film industry at the time).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope to calm down by the time I get to Ubud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Addendum] Which is not to say that my resort isn't gorgeous and marvelous btw , and that the rest of Bali isn't beautiful. Last time I stayed in Seminyak, much more peaceful; and the time before that was just after the 2nd bombing, so it was very quiet, even in Kuta.

Sigh... Bad news. My camera battery has died and as I left BOTH my chargers in Singapore it looks like I'll be iPhoning the Kodak moments for rest of my trip. I'd upload them, but I am on the new Netbook and it is am not synch'd to the iPhone.

E@L

Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Carvery

Just about to head off for New Years carvery here in my hotel (Madame Chiang sends her regards) so not much time.

Just wanted to say that I read Raymond Carver's original version of "A Small, Good Thing" by the pool. It was cut by 78% (word count) by Gordon Lish before publication in the 1981 What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. This is the book that Robert Altman made into the movie "Short Cuts". A section of the movie tells this story.

Carver's full version goes for 25 pages. All I've got to say is that the following lines:

"It's good to eat something," he said, watching them. "There's more. Eat up. Eat all you want. There's all the rolls in the world here."
[My emphasis.]

- I suddenly sobbed. Loudly. I was lying on a lounge by the pool. I had to cover my eyes.

Do you know the story? [SPOILER ALERT]

A mum orders a cake for her son's birthday. The son is hit by a car, goes into a coma and several days later dies... Meanwhile the cake has been forgotten about. The baker makes a series of harassing anonymous phone-calls not aware that the son was at that time in a coma. After his death, the parents realize who the calls were coming from and go to confront the baker at midnight. Their anger breaks down as the baker realizes his mistake and rotten behaviour. He gives them coffee, bread and cinnamon buns. And he says the above lines.

The first version did not affect me in the same way at all, even though Updike included it in his anthology of the best Short Stories Of The Century. Without rereading the old, edoited version, I think I prefer this long rambling one full of flashbacks and details of the hospital and its inhabitants.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All the rolls in the world. All the sorrow in the world. All the sadness in the world. All the contriteness in the world. All the fate in the world. All the lost children in the world. All the grieving parents in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shit I'm choking up again (it must be the drugs) as I type this.

All the talent in the world. Carver, a reformed alcoholic, died of lung cancer at 50, seven years after publishing the Lish edited collection and becoming dramatically famous.

E@L

What We Blog About When We Blog About Blogging

The small things, not the things that really matter.

I can't blog much about the main event around the table this Christmas for example, or its emotional aftermath. What can I say? It was fun at first, then suddenly it flipped to desperately sad and unfortunate, and very important for the family dynamic. It was almost fictional in its drama, but I can say nothing or I risk alienating my family entirely. How? By "blogalising" it I will inevitably distort the facts to suit my truth and that will be "how it was" for all my readers, while each of the family's truths won't get a look in. Even these bland comments will cause ripples of consequence. BTW, it's the same most Christmases. There are always a million things that could be told, but can't.

So instead, like a dirty old man, I notice a pretty girl's cleavage and that's what I blog about. WTF?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This from my friend Smoot, a Singaporean lawyer -

You know what the problem with a blog is?

It starts off as a place you can write stuff in, stuff that you can't write down in a diary because someone could find it. Then after a while, it becomes a place that transcends my normal everyday life, where I can talk about stuff that perhaps doesn't really matter but it matters to me in a relatively insignificant way, but important enough that I want to write about it. It's also a place to vent about the small stuff, if I need to vent.

But I can't talk about the big stuff. The stuff that keeps me awake at night. Because that's conduct unbecoming of a solicitor. Because I am bound by rules of confidentiality and propriety.

So I talk about what matters to me, a little. What bothers me, a little. Stuff that bothers me a lot is what I know to keep to myself. Even when I think so much about it that I can't sleep properly for weeks, and sometimes, oftentimes, it bleeds into my dreams and I wake up utterly exhausted, and put on my game face for another day.

Perhaps this time next year I will be far more settled in my mind, or maybe I would have lived with my fears long enough to have learned to ignore them.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And Facebook is even more superficial. Twitter, let's not even talk about it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The title of this post comes from the Raymond Carver book of short stories, not from Murakami's manual of how to go jogging. I use it because not only because it is one of those iconic book titles that resonate and find application in a thousand variations, but also because my pool-side reading this holiday includes Beginners, the controversial drafts of many of Carver's stories before his editor Gordon Lish carved (sorry) into them, creating that spare, compelling, "left unsaid" style we all associate with Carver...

How interesting and appropriate.

I wonder what his blog would have been like? Full of small things, with the big things left unsaid like his short stories? But still he (or Lish) might manage to leave the truths of life hanging with an aura of awe all around, like a stepping into a cathedral and looking up close at the pews and the stained-glass windows, the paintings of the station of the cross, of the saints and the statues, but with each of his footsteps echoing in the enormity of it all, maybe...

E@L

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Lyndal's Tits

The flat at Noosa needs to be paid for sometime in early February...

E@L went to the bank to change his AUD term deposit so that when it was due to rollover, he could get a fair whack of it out to cover the shortfall in the loan valuation.

The personal-service bank-clerk girl E@L had been staring at for 5 minutes as she completed the previous customer's paperwork pressed her button and E@L's number came up for HER booth. Yes! E@L had earlier noticed that she was the only one in an non-uniform suit; rather than high collar she had a low-cut top.

As he sat down and leaned forward so that he wouldn't have talk too loud, E@L tried to avoid looking down into her cleavage at the small goose-pimple imperfections of the skin where the swell of her breasts commenced. E@L passed over his passport and documents, and she too leaned forward. There is a God. She was wearing a red bra, the edge of it was just visible on her right breast where the black top had crept down... He was already looking at her face when she looked up from the documents and into his eyes as she asked about the size of his transfer.

She took the passport to photocopy it (bureaucracy!) and went to search for the right forms. When she came back and sat down her top was still low and her heaving embonpoint rose invitingly with each breath. If she had a push-up bra it was unnecessary, that much was obvious.

This time E@L was caught - she looked at him as he was raising his eyes. Without any sign of recognition or any pause in her explanation of the forms she hitched up her top with a deft hand that made the manoeuver almost imperceptible. As she continued asking him to sign forms and write the details down, she surreptitiously hitched it up again. Lost. They were almost completely gone. E@L leaned back and looked out the window of the bank, and sighed.

"That's all," she said, dismissing him with a cheery "Happy New Year."

He smiled at her, genuinely, thinking "Would you please marry me?", stood up and made his way out...

A man sitting on the couch waiting his turn for the personal-service bank-clerks heard a soft but distinct murmuring from the big man who passed him by. He wasn't completely sure because of the Australian accent, but it sounded very much like: "Lyndal, you have great tits."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Off to Bali this very minute; bags packed with hat, baggy board-shorts, sun-block, snorkel and holiday reading (don't ask - OK; Jack Vance, Chabon, Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Carver, and Ann Quin) - plus novel-writing accoutrements...

Later, dudes.

E@L

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Long Time No Blog

Not a lot of internet access of late. Meh. Busy: Melbourne, Geelong, Melbourne, warm days in the sun, oh so chilly in the shade. It's amazing how severe the temperature discrepancy can be down here.

The usual range of unique but stereotypical Christmas Hostilities. Many of those Things That Cannot Be Blogged About.

My favorite present from this obsolete pagan ritual was a book called How To Be a Better Foodie"! Excellent culinary snobbery compendium! The only problem that my memory is so bad that I won't remember anything I read.

One deliciously pretentious but unfortunately erroneous thing I noted was that Madagascarian vanilla is sort of considered the bee's knees of vanilla, merely because it is so expensive. A total wank - vanilla is vanilla. It's just that the natural fertilization in the native Central American habitat of the vanilla flower is done by a certain breed of Mexican bee. Those bees don't live in Madagascar, nor do any other insects that naturally do the sticky job, so the farmers who imported the vanilla plants had to develop a technique to fertilize them BY HAND - a very labor intensive process. And THIS is why they charge such a high price for Madagascarian vanilla.

Other than that piece of completely useless digression, I love the book!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cricket tomorrow at the MCG, home to Singers the day after to change suitcases and then off for NYE (+10 days) in Bali. Hoping to catch up with Madame Chiang, with or without her cats.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mate Nick (whom I will meet in Bali too) sent a great Christmas email - I haven't actually received his permission to reproduce it here yet, but once we meet in Ubud in Bali after NYE he can let me know if I have overstepped any boundaries by quoting it in full below - in lieu of me writing anything at length of any interest.

He says at the end it should be a blog post -I think it should be a newspaper column or something. Some great observations!

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When did sending Christmas messages get so difficult?

Back in the good old days, you took up pen and paper and started writing cards and accompanying letters. Family first then friends. After about 5 letters you ran out of enthusiasm for writing the same thing over and over to different people. So you gave up. Alternately you ran out of money to buy cards, envelopes and stamps. More often than not you ran out of time as you should have started in November but it is now December 23. Stuff it! the card and letter won’t arrive on time, why bother! After all there is always next year.

Later the quality of reproductions got better and you could type or even word process the one letter, copy it multiple times and add a written personal message at the bottom before signing. This saved the time component but didn't address the cost component (or timing).

Later still you had e-mail and web sites. So for me I created a Christmas Message on a web page and then e-mailed a link to friends. The heyday of “Nick’s Newsletter” was 1998 – 2001. (Suspiciously this is very similar to what you have just received.) Unfortunately most of your friends were not on e-mail or the web and you still had to resort to manual means.

With time most people got an e-mail address and you could quite happily send Christmas messages by e-mail with only the odd one or two missing out.

More recently we have social networking sites. It has all got very complicated again. Now you have friends on Facebook, LinkedIn, e-mail, mobile phone, the blogosphere and other places besides. Suddenly you have to send the same message to multiple people on multiple communication channels and that is just sucking into your time once more. Christmas is getting complicated once more. (This is flowing, I may turn this into a blog).

So here we are in 2009, no we are at the end of 2009. You are receiving this e-mail because:
1) I love you; or
2) I like you; or
3) at some stage you have been an impact on my life and I still cherish that memory;

And

I still have some record of an e-mail address for you.


~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL!

~~~~~~~~~~~

On a housekeeping note, I've had to remove the Blogroll temporarily (I hope) from the sidebar. Some of you may have been getting a warning from Google about my site being linked to a site that had "Malware" on it. Don't panic - I have not been hacked (again) but there was a hidden link in my blogrolling widget from 7 months ago that led to a site that allegedly contained some trojans. It's an old blog-site, now defunct I guess, that I once had linked to...

I've no idea how to clear this list to remove the offending link. I HAVE removed the website from the blogroll widget but can't erase that troublesome old link.

Any help from Blogger experts would be appreciated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, 2010 is the last year of the decade, not 2009.

E@L

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

India - Reality Check

If you want to find out about the shaky lower storeys upon which India's skyscraping supposed economic boom is built --

More about Listening to Grasshoppers.
Listening to Grasshoppers

Even if you don't, it's still a sobering (shocking even) look at how that sacred cow (ha ha) of Globalisation, the word 'Democracy', can hide a multitude of sins... and crimes.

The discussion in these essays, while specifically about how India's various warring religions, sects and tribal/racial groups are able to commit atrocities and gloss them over afterwards with 'an election', thus soothing international concerns, speaks of lessons not learned that could be applicable pretty much everywhere in the developing world; don't be corrupt, don't hate those you falsely see as Others, don't rape (gang-rape), pillage (historical sites) and burn (people), even if you can easily get away with these crimes against humanity, don't think elections are the panacea they are promoted to be by the globalisation buffos.

Democracy = two lions and a lamb deciding what's for dinner.

The lions have to be caged.

For example, despite (or because of) the alleged boom, the disparity of incomes in India has actually increased in recent years, and that is not only because of the obscenity of two of the world's 10 richest men being Indian, are shooting the top level so high, but also because the poor really are getting poorer and less well fed.

They have less access to grains and cereals available than they had in the Second World War. As those lions of industry Mukesh Ambani and Lakshmi Mittal dine on fine lamb cutlets in their private jets, "Forty seven per cent of India's children below three suffer from malnutrition... an average family eats about one hundred kilograms less food in a year than it did in the early 1990s." (Roy, p31.)

I've spoken about the Indian famine in Goa before, when million of tonnes of grain were in trains passing by the starving farmers who had grown it all, bound for the profitable markets of Europe and England. In the current situation, that grain is actually destined to feed livestock, which are more important than humans it seems.

~~~~~~~~~~~

However, what are you going to replace democracy with? A benign dictatorship?



NNNNOOOOoooooooo...! Scary!

E@L

Quote De Jour

"The degree of intellect necessary to please us is a fairly accurate measure of the degree of intellect that we possess." HelvƩtius, De l'esprit, 1758.


~~~~~~~~~~~


More of HelvƩtius' Utilitarian opinions - according to Wikipedia:

1. All man's faculties may be reduced to physical sensation, even memory, comparison, judgment. Our only difference from the lower animals lies in our external organization.

2. Self-interest, founded on the love of pleasure and the fear of pain, is the sole spring of judgment, action, and affection. Human beings are motivated solely by the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. "These two," he says, "are, and always will be, the only principles of action in man." Self-sacrifice is prompted by the fact that the sensation of pleasure outweighs the accompanying pain and is thus the result of deliberate calculation. [Harsh... but fair.]

3. We have no freedom of choice between good and evil. There is no such thing as absolute right – ideas of justice and injustice change according to customs. [e.g. murder is wrong, but Abraham sacrificing Isaac is OK.]

E@L

Apologies - Not That I DID Anything

I believe that some spam email may have gone out from my old blog account. I got a flurry of spurious comments today which I thought I had deleted, but maybe some hacker has got in - I'll try to sort it out.

Heartfelt apologies if you have been in any way inconvenienced or confused (I realize some of you are more prone to confusion than others).

E@L

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Pitch 'n' Putt with Joyce 'n' Beckett

"Pitch and putt? It's bitch and slut, slithering in their wetness, glistening like a peach, peach and... peach and... [sees golf booking shelter] peach and hut!"

"...he put it in the river on the 18th the last time. In the river, all rivery was it. ... This is never an 8 iron, it's a fucking 5!

"No, not a Milky Way you arse! A Topic(?)... all feckled in its nuttiness."

Oh, so funny...



E@L

Netbook - Anger Management

I just tried to do some work on my relatively new Samsung Netbook, running (HA!) Windows7. The plan was to take this creature, which is only slightly lighter and marginally smaller than my Fujitsu work laptop, on my multi-location holidays which are commencing at the end of this week.

I have a lot of training to give the day after I get back from the Bali leg of my holidays. It's just a rerun of the training we did in Bangkok a few weeks ago, but you see, we have been having CODEC issues with our AVI files (the video files from our U/S machines).

For some godforsaken reason they won't run in Powerpoint 2007 on Vista, i.e. mine and my colleagues' work 3 year old Fujitsu laptops. I found out that they WILL run on Powerpoint 2007 on my personal, home, not-work's, private, I-paid-for-it Win7 Netbook (and on the iMAC and PPT2008 for Mac).

Does our company's budget extend to us getting Win7 installed? No. Stupid question - we are flying someone in from Sao Paulo for this training, but buy urgently needed software? Not a chance. Can I put in a pirate copy ("hey I am Bangkok", or I was at the time, "people are thrusting Win7 DVDs at me from every corner of Fortune Tower or Panthip Plaza")? No, um, we are being audited in January, must show receipts for everything, lah.

Prior to that Bangkok training, way before I bought the Netbook, in the depths of frustration, I determined that the only way to get my PPT videos working was to convert all of those nice AVI videos into something that would work using my genuine $50 Blaze Media Pro conversion software. Trying out different AVI CODECS had only screwed up the frame rate while maintaining the size format, so I had to cop a hefty resolution compromise and go with some shitty small MPG format, but it was the only one that kept the frame rate OK. I had tried about thirty different CODECS and file types... (Hey E@L, what do you do in the office all day?)

One of my colleagues had used the "Run In Full-screen" tick box for his presentations, but the trainees really needed to see the text that goes with the videos to make much sense of them. In my opinion, anyway. Damned if I was going to let this defeat me!

Then, after the training was completed and people had finished commenting on my crappy small videos, we trudged home to Singapore where someone in the office (not me, The Boss!) worked out, in a fierce bout of guesswork, that merely changing the file extension to WMV and reinserting the video back into PPT would enable them to run flawlessly and losslessly!

SIGH! (That's three years of frustration escaping there.)

So the plan was simply to change the extension names on just a coupla dozen files for this training, and then rename every AVI file in my 40GB archive of training presentations, and do the same in future for every file we get from the machine or from the head office in Tokyo, where they use Windows 2000, or so I believe. (The irony of this is the our U/S machines run on WinXP Embedded) No, this changing of file extensions is much better use of our expensive time than upgrading our laptop software and letting us get on with our work (see below).

And of course for CUSTOMERS who just might have Vista and PPT2007, they'll have to do the same thing! At no extra charge!

Well, today, after wasting half the afternoon changing file extensions when I could have been writing emails to pen-pals - *ahem* - I said bugger this... I'll bite the personal use bullet and just use the Netbook for this lot of training and run the original AVI files! No need to change extensions, just replace the crappy MPGs in my PPTs with the old AVIs!

Well, the idea was to take the back-up HDD with me this weekend and play with the PPTs on my spare moments of my 3 week holiday, like maybe lying by the pool/beach/forest/volcano in Bali, just to make sure they all worked.

YAY! Netbooks are cool!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight I brought the HDD home just to check out how the PPT videos and PPTs would play...

This is the first time I have used the Netbook for serious computing. Other than a bit of blogging from a pub a few weeks back, I haven't needed to get it out. (Not that it's IN anything.)

In the meantime, while doing the PPTs, I'd surf the web, check out some cool YouTube stuff, my do my personal email, get into Facebook, play chess, etc... all on the Netbook, just as if I was at work (see above)...

But I ran into a wall of molasses...

It is so DREADFULLY slow! A windows take 5 seconds to refresh. Trying to scroll down a YouTube page in iE while a video is downloading freezes that tab for over a minute! Finally I got the video loaded (Michael Hedges and Leo Kottke playing in the change room prior to or after a show, see below) while I fiddled, slowly, updating the PPT files with the AVIs...

Everything took forever (for everybody, just to hyperbolate completely)! I gave up on the touch screen because the W7 multi-gesture thing kept picking up the edge of the finger that was clicking on the LMB, so I took out the mouse from my iMac and plugged it in. 2 1/2 years later, sigh, I could use the mouse to do things like resize the videos, then wait, and move them around the PPT page, then wait... Obviously this ATOM chip is way underpowered to do anything serious!

But that's not all. When the YouTube finally came back to life and I tried to listen, obviously the tinny (ENHANCED BOOST) speakers were horrible. So I unplugged the Bose speakers from my iMac and tried to plug them in - it went all funny, loud then soft, it was crazy, like the cable was bung. I changed it for a superfluous one on the HiFi. No better. Then I checked the headphones insert area on the Netbook. It has this nasty bloody recess; it only take small plugs, like iPhone shit. Holy toe-fucking hell!

Sigh... Turn off Netbook. Plug mouse back into iMac. Plug speakers with original cable back into iMac. Go to YouTube...




De-stress....

[Addendum: to put these guys into perspective...]





~~~~~~~~~~

And just to remind you, as the music soothes my anger and the night fades down towards beddy-byes for E@L, NetBooks are a WANK! Fucking worst Sin$900 (why so expensive one, lah? I had to pay extra for Win7 {at least the videos run} and a bigger HDD) I ever spent. Not happy. Seriously thinking of passing it on to some other geekoid sucker if it doesn't get smashed and tossed out the window before they get the chance.

E@L

Monday, December 14, 2009

OMG We Can't Believe We're Telling You This

E@L has gone insane! He is unrecognizable! There can be no other explanation!

For the third weekend in a row E@L has been spending Sundays at...





... no, not church! We said he'd gone insane, not become stupid.

Anyway, this is WORSE!

Aaaargh... E@L cuts out his tongue and flings it to the flesh-eating zombies after divulging this information...



He's been playing Dungeons and Dragons!

Yes, with Mercer Machine as Dungeon Master... Let us tell you, MM has a history of being mighty mean, AND he has this spooky, guttural, evil laugh (so much so it broke E@L up into fits of laughter, completely...)

~~~~~~~~~~

Dearest Readers, please forgive us...

... but as a red-bearded, smelly, 4ft Dwarf, E@L is forever screaming in a thick Scottish accent: (think 'Shrek' - OK, E@L's the Australian dude playing the Canadian dude who plays the ogre dude.)

"I hut ut, wi' ma axe!"

~~~~~~~~~~

On a brighter note: Unnamed sources reveal that E@L has dropped 4.2kgs in this last week. Expectations for this rapid rate of loss to continue are not high.

But it's fruit in the morning, veges and some meat for lunch and dinner: no rice, no bread, no potatoes. Fewer, and smaller size Spinelli's Hazelnut Choc-Spins and ONLY ONE oatmeal cookie (the will-power! Where does it come from?).

That was, until he hit the D&D game and its associated feast of rich and thick*, fat-and-carb-enhanced junk-food today.

Sigh...

~~~~~~~~

BTW: conversation at Spinelli's.

E@L: A small hazelnut choc-pin, please.
She: Sir, we don't have small, only medium. (She indicates two cups - ostensibly Medium and Large)
E@L: It that the small one? (He point to the Medium cup)
She: Yes.
E@L: Then I'll have a small one. (Why didn't he just say that the first time?)
She: Thank you. (calls to the, ahem, "barista") Medium hazelnut spin!
E@L: And an oatmeal-raisin cookie, please.
She: Just one?
E@L: (sighs) Yes, just one. A small one.
She: They're all the same size, sir.
E@L: Then I'll have a medium one.
She: (smiles, gets cookie)
E@L: (YES!)

~~~~~~~~~~

Also, E@L thought that the "new Blair-Witch Project", the infamously $15k budgeted and famously $100m+ earning Paranormal Activity, was pretty freaking scary!

But on his version, the bit in the trailer where somebody is sort of flying backwards into the bedroom straight towards the camera, well it didn't happen... WTF?

BWP itself was a crock of shit however.

E@L

* a Thai bar-girl's ideal man. Yuk yuk...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Excercise In Self-Aggrandisement or In Futility?

E@L has been receiving a lot of hits to this blog coming from his old one. Any idea why? Maybe someone mentioned E@L in a post but used the old address, who knows. One supposes he could look up the hits stats to the old blog. Nah, that would involve remembering the old password!

E@L got a twinge of panic, thinking what would happen if it all went down! He therefore spent hours last night transferring some of his old blog posts to a Word file before the whole thing collapses - the credit card linked to his old host, Lunarpages.com, has expired, for example. Just in case, you know. There is backup they offer that gives you a MySQL database, but sorting that out into intelligible format? Fuggedabardit!

So instead he went through the old blost, post by post; Cmd A, Cmd C, Cmd V.

He supposes he could make a PDF of it all and sell it for a huge amount of money, or... give it away for free.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shit, he had only put in the first six months of posts (26 of 1,481 entries) and already the word-count is at over 20,000 and 58 pages, all from before he even started living in Singapore! Does E@L waffle on or WHAT! Some of what he thought were reasonable sized posts are filling 3-4 even 6 pages when the text is formatted to the default layout.

AND - those of you with long memories might recall that this is the THIRD incarnation of Expat-At-Large blog. He lost about 100 posts from prior to October of 2004 when his first host, Yahoo's Tripod kicked his arse off for uploading a photograph of the cover of a pirated DVD of "The Passion" - which said, incongruously, "Absolutely Hilarious." Most people thought the cover was absolutely hilarious.

He managed to rescue any posts that had comments from his email notifications.

Anyway, the point is there would have been a lot more from those first six months, but already it's a lot.

Then there was the time (TWICE!) that the old E@L website was hacked and used to send out phishing emails! Holy hell, the ride has not been easy. You cannot log onto E@L's old site from many locations (the Business Class lounge of BA in Heathrow for example) as the address is screened due to the phishing accident.

~~~~~~~~

Is this a worthwhile enterprise? Should E@L persist with the remainder of the 1,465 posts? At 20 per night this could going to take a long time - 2 years in fact. Perhaps he should just select a "Better Parts Of E@L" sort of thing. Technology stories, Restaurant Stories, The Mouse Stories, Taxi Driver stories, Disaster and Cooking stories, Bruce Stories... Ah fuck they're all good.

Or should E@L be doing something else?

Is this yet another a deflection?

E@L

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Canadian science fiction writer and Hugo Award nominee Peter Watts was bashed by US border guards, pepper-sprayed and charged with assaulting a federal officer for the crime of ... what? ... sitting quietly in car and looking suspiciously like a science fiction writer who is driving back to Canada?

Yet another case of Homeland Insecurity.

~~~~~~~~~~

The incident made it to BoingBoing.

~~~~~~~~~~



Rodney King copping it in 1991. Reassuring to see things haven't changed - I like predictability, things you can rely on.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I seem to recall a case of a writer who was refused entry to the USA from Canada because he put "Blogger" as his occupation.

(Hat-tip to Whatever, who links to some site where you can contribute to a fund for Dr Watts's legal costs.)

E@L

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Dialectical Present Under the Essential Christmas Tree

Quote Of The Day

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. Kierkegaard.

IMHO your typical Singaporean doesn't have one and doesn't use the other.


~~~~~~~

So... Christmas is coming to Denmark, back in 1820 or thereabouts...


Mrs Kirkegaard leans toward her 7 year old son, who is attempting to bite the head off the family whippet: "What do you want for Christmas, young SĆøren?"

SĆøren Claus*


"Aesthetically it is quite in order to wish for wealth, good fortune and the most beautiful of damsels; in short, to wish for anything that is subject to an aesthetic dialectic. But at the same time to wish for an eternal happiness is doubly nonsense. Partly because it is at the same time, thus transforming an eternal happiness into something like a present on the Christmas tree; and partly because it is a wish, an eternal happiness being essentially relevant to essentially existing individual, not related by an aesthetic dialectic to a romantically wishful individual."


Mrs Kierkegaard, nods, smiles, rescues the dog, takes Mr Kierkegaard aside: "We need to talk about SĆøren..."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Now *I* consider myself free to think, but my brain is of no use to me here, it is hurting from the effort. I can't wrap my thoughts around Kierkegaard's jargon. WHY do I persist in trying to read such impenetrable stuff when I have hundreds of perfectly readable/understandable books everywhere in the flat? Is there anything of Kierkegaard which is understandable and useful?

In my quest to fully understand life, the universe, and Starhub Box programming, I am finally having some luck with >Slavoj Žižek, whom I once could only understand if I snorted a kilo of coke and then read it out loud with a lisp and an outrageous East European accent. "The Puppet And the Dwarf: The Perverse Nature of Christianity" seems to be going down relatively easily compared my assaults on his "On Belief" and the book on Lacan.

I am following his arguments, at least I think I am as I read them. "Zhe Fall ISSHhh zhe RedempSSShun": I understood that as I read it this morning in the waiting room. I'm thinking WTF just now, but hey.

~~~~~~~~~

In the meantime, as a Christmas present to myself (or maybe such self-flagellation is more appropriate for Easter), I've semi-started another diet (not counting beers tonight with Indy) as recommended by a friend who has lost 10kgs and kept it off. Just fruit in the morning with NO muesli or even my favorite wholegrain/rye/sourdough toast (not sure how long that restriction is going to last!), salad/coleslaw with some lean ham or chicken for lunch and NO rice (if I can get around to preparing such the night before and not blog inanely). Normal meal for dinner, but limit the size and try to avoid potato, bread and rice. Pretty much a low Glycemic Index diet, apart from the fruit. I'm not going completely vegetarian as I know some people have done in my situation, as I just do not have the WON'T power for something that strict.

I have been double dosing the medication (on Dr's orders) for the neuralgia and while it's not doing much for the pain, it IS boosting my appetite! The scale tipped over 130kgs on the weekend! Holy fuck! In 2005, I had slimmed down to a svelte 115kgs (The Mouse was cooking diet meals and me exercising 3 days a week) from about 125kgs, and I need to get back into that zone. At least I need to re-stabilize it at around 120kgs. 110kgs would be nice.

There is a new drug I read about today called Liraglutide which sounds like it might help with weight control and prevent the encroachment of diabetes, which is always a risk for someone bordering on the metabolic syndrome like me. Unfortunately it is not available in Singapore yet.

Fuck, I can't do exercise which requires me to use my feet and I am on drugs that increase my appetite - motherfucker... Mind you I was a fat ((!)) before all this drama, too.

Meanwhile, and yes I know I've tried and started before... and failed, but wish me well on this diet attempt anyway.

E@L


* Now you see why I don't have a job that requires Photoshop skills!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Human Rights In Singapore - FEER

"...the Singapore High Court ruled that "[human] rights should be subjugated to executive-determined community interests."

In other words, in Singapore, human rights are whatever the PAP say they are.


Human Rights, Singaporean Style
by Garry Rodan

Posted December 4, 2009

While there has been a lull in the debate over "Asian values" since the 1997-98 Asian financial crisis, the concept never disappeared. The development of a regional human-rights commission constitutes a fresh battleground where competing views are playing out. As in the past, the main interlocutors on the side of cultural relativism are Singaporean leaders and officials, but this time, opposing voices within Southeast Asia have grown louder and more self-confident. ... [Full text of this interesting article at the soon to be defunct FEER]
.

A nice blast at Singapore in what I presume is their final issue. The fact that the Wall Street Journal (a Murdoch company) group removed Far Eastern Economic Review (FEER) from publication in Singapore after being sued for an article in which the leader of the opposition Singapore Democratic Party was interviewed and called the government "corrupt" may be the reason for its demise. The main English reading public for FEER would be in Hong Kong, Shanghai, Beijing and Singapore, so loss of perhaps 1/4 of their sales over the last 2 years or so may have topped it over the line for Rupert's bean counters.

The result of the FEER libel case was all publications in Singapore must put up a bond of $200,000 and must have an employee resident in Singapore - someone they can sue.

Murdoch effectively said "fuck that" to LKY's cronys and pulled FEER out of Singapore.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Freedom" of speech -- if you register.




E@L

Monday, December 07, 2009

What Am I Expected To Do?




One across the bows in the eternal war of the sexes, this great song from 1985 nearly blew conservative people to smithereens back in Australia at the time.


DO RE MI - Man Overboard

I try not to stand too close to myself
I try not to listen to the things that I say
They say there's no such thing as self abuse
But you wonder how I can be trusted
If I'm finely tuned and well adjusted
Oh pity about you
Oh pity about me
More's the pity about her
Every time she comes inside you have to run
You wish that crush would go away
You're not the only one


Squinting at broad daylight
Drumming up a conversation
Parsons brass is pealing appealing
Drumming up a congregation
Hands reaching for a glass of water
Dry socks and razor rash
Your shoes under my bed
Dandruff doona cigarette ash
I've tried to play it open handed
I've tried to make a fist of this
Even when the questions are candid
My arrows miss
I've heard about your fragile ego
Your shield, your sword
What am I expected to do?
Shout man overboard?


Come around when I'm asleep
Roll around and try to wake me
That's alright you've got to go now
Words overtake me
Your pubic hairs are on my pillow
Your stubble rings the sink
Your words under my skin
Your table manners stink
I paddle in the things I love
You wallow in a swamp of trivia
In a vase with insincere I love yous
Next door's Camellias
I'm sick and tired of this position
Hatched underneath an arm
Your crutch under stress
Your rudder when it's calm
I'm bored of staring at the ceiling
While you point out my flaws
I've watched the wallpaper peeling from slamming doors
You talk about penis envy
Your friends applaud
What am I expected to do?
Shout man overboard?


Come across to other girls
Look around and start a rumour
Jealous wife scenes raise a smile at parties
Like anal humour
Are you addicted to attention?
Do you do it for effect?
Your wit out of control
Misunderstood and henpecked!


~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lead singer with the massive voice (and large mouth), Deborah Conway had a coupla great album as a solo artist - I saw her in 1995 or so at a REALLY SMALL venue in Sydney somewhere. She was massively pregnant, and she sang a song about her ultrasound scan! String Of Pearls is still an album I listen to. Bitch Epic not so much as look at the cover: Conway topless and smothered in chocolate... Awesome!



Bit of trivia - my mind wallows in a swamp of it - "In 1991, Conway played Juno in Peter Greenaway's Prospero's Books, singing a setting of William Shakespeare's masque from The Tempest to music by Michael Nyman." (Wikipedia) She was the only one wearing clothes in the scene. Damn.

E@L

Sunday, December 06, 2009

How Was Your Day?

Late for work...



~~~~~~~~~

Intergneck caretaker Joanne is an excellent source for us (we?) plagiarists - she comes up with such brilliant stuff!

p.s. It's Sunday morning, 10am. Guess what's going on upstairs.

E@L

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Divorce Ban Proposed For California

If the sanctity of marriage means no gay marriage in California, then logically divorce should be outlawed as well...

Movement under way in California to ban divorce

By Judy Lin Associated Press
Posted: 11/30/2009 11:41:40 AM PST
Updated: 11/30/2009 01:41:34 PM PST

SACRAMENTO — Til death do us part? The vow would really hold true in California if a Sacramento Web designer gets his way.

In a movement that seems ripped from the pages of Comedy Channel writers, John Marcotte wants to put a measure on the ballot next year to ban divorce in California.

The effort is meant to be a satirical statement after California voters outlawed gay marriage in 2008, largely on the argument that a ban is needed to protect the sanctity of traditional marriage. If that's the case, then Marcotte reasons voters should have no problem banning divorce.

"Since California has decided to protect traditional marriage, I think it would be hypocritical of us not to sacrifice some of our own rights to protect traditional marriage even more," the 38-year-old married father of two said.

Marcotte said he has collected dozens of signatures, including one from his wife of seven years. The initiative's Facebook fans have swelled to more than 11,000. Volunteers that include gay activists and members of a local comedy troupe have signed on to help.

Marcotte is looking into whether he can gather signatures online, as proponents are doing for another proposed 2010 initiative to repeal the gay marriage ban. But the odds are stacked against a campaign funded primarily by the sale of $12 T-shirts featuring bride and groom stick figures chained at the wrists.

Marcotte needs 694,354 valid signatures by March 22, a high hurdle in a state where the typical petition drive costs millions of dollars. Even if his proposed constitutional amendment made next year's ballot, it's not clear how voters would react.

Nationwide, about half of all marriages end in divorce.



If you keep reading the linked article, you'll see that some people are taking it seriously. Catholics, I'm guessing.

100% of my marriage ended in divorce.

E@L

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