Tuesday, December 09, 2008

ToastBox Are ToFus!

The toefucking bastards at the ToastBox in Changi Terminal 3 - yes, you skinny bastard, stop looking at me type - tried their best to fuck up my Set 1 order: kaya toast, kopi and two runny eggs.

Truly this is the lowest of the low in Kopi/Kaya chains. Owned I believe by the Food Republic group, well whomever - they should know better.

- Set 1, please
- Set 1? The lady looks at me for a second. An ang moh, ordering a breakfast set!
- Set 1.
- Wan runny egg, soft bore?
- Yes, please.
- No, soft bore?
- Runny eggs, please.
- Wat u wan drink?
- Kopi.
- Kopi?
- Kopi.
- Hokay. Fort Wenny.

I pay with $50 and she gives me change from $10. She insists that I only gave her a ten. I check my wallet, maybe I did give her a ten, but I'm wary. I'm watching you, bitch! She passes me my eggs directly over the cashier section of the counter. The eggs come in a paper cup, like ice-cream, not on a plate where you can swish them around, dig the crisp, crumbly (more dehydrated than toasted) toast into the yolk…

I move down to the kopi section and see the kopi-man moistening the bottom of the paper cup with the rich dark brew. He fills it with water, stirs vigorously and then has the audacity to pass it to me.

- Kopi? I ask.
- Kopi, lite.
- No. I want kopi, normal kopi. Fill it up to here, just a splash of water. What's this piss you are giving me?

He makes another cup, condensed milk, a long pour of kopi, a splash of hot water, stir, stir, stir. I look ferociously at him. (Did I tell everyone that I'm off the Cymbalta: everything that was serenely amusing now pisses me off majorly. Thanks, thanks - no flowers please, I'm allergic to pleasant sentiment - but it's good to be back home.)

Kopi-man looks surly back at me and passes the paper cup kopi. I mumble under my breath something along the lines of "Make what the customer ordered, tofu, not what you think he might like because of his race."

I move down to pick up my limply soft, pre-prepared kaya toast. The butter has melted. Is it even butter? I pick up the paper boxlet. There is only ONE layer of toast!

What the fuck!

These tofus have to be exposed to the world for the crimes there are committing against the Supreme Singapore/Malay/Chinese Breakfast Tradition!



savannah said...

i hope your breakfast tastes better than it sounds, sugar! ;) xoxox

(you missed my 2 year anniversary while you were traveling! i owe it all to you and indy!)

expat@large said...

Alvin: we should start a Facebook group!

Sav: That's true, you do, and now you are more popular than John Lennon! Well I'm not envious, just pleased for you!

Looks strange but tastes really scrummy! All the main food groups; fat, sugar, cholesterol and caffeine, IN ABUNDANCE! I can't take it too often as I get reflux from all the caffeine.

knobby said...

tofo, tofo! not tofu surely! hahaha can't stop laughing

HairyDonut said...

Can I just say that's how they all make the kopi? If you drink the stuff straight from the pot without adding water, it would be like drinking an extra large expresso without the smooveness of a normal expresso.

expat@large said...

Smootie: yes to coffee with a splash of water. No to a splash of coffee with water poured and poured and poured, as I was first offered.

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