History of The Vibrator

Please don't ask me how I found this.



"Vibrator innovation was in fact a driving force behind the creation of the small electric motor."

E@L

What The Japanese Were Doing With Whale Blubber

becomes



Fake women*: a vast improvement over the traditional blow-up doll. Although with these ones, the whale blubber will eventually rot and dissolve into a puddle of stinking fat. However, this fat can be rendered into an oil that will be an excellent lubricant for your new one next year/month/week. That is, if there are any whale girls next year, thanks to the Japanese giving up on their "research".

* Not to be confused with a real woman.

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*NOTE -The next link is NSSPWHO. (Not Safe For Sane People at Work, Home or Otherwise.)

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Is this where the idea for the Emiko, the self-aware sex toy in The Wind-up Girl came from?

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E@L is concerned that Super-Joyce, his part-time house-tidier might not be there when the delivery man comes, so he's having his sent to the new office. As he might be travelling, he'll address her to his new boss.

The rather explicitly silicone video above is also an excellent illustration of why Japanese men fail to elicit more than a series of squeaks (that indicate feigned resistance) when doing these weird and wonderful things to their ladies' breasts. (Love the giant thumb-squash upwards. Gotta hurt!)

E@L

Batteries Not Included

E@L thought he was pretty much unshockable, but when he was presenting some illegal contraband (illegal in Singapore that is, and for a friend) at the HK Airport Mannings Pharmacy (same as Guardians), he noticed the prominent plastic case of an object labeled Durex Play Ultra. Don’t get ahead of the story and Google this yet, OK? The rounded edges and overall shape of the package threw E@L somewhat, as it didn't look to be an efficient way to package condoms, which is what he assumed was inside due to the prominent Durex label. E@L had once met the Durex marketing lady for China, as an aside. Interesting job. He picked it up briefly but was not wearing his glasses so couldn’t quite make out what was going on, but then the serving wench asked for some money, so he placed it back.

E@L paid for the chewing gum (also made of a derivative [not a popular word of late] of latex) and walked away, but as he went down the escalator to the Singapore Airlines Lounge, doubt and curiosity got the better of him. WAS it condoms in that package? He took an up-escalator back up and went to check out exactly what exactly was for sale here.




He put on his glasses. OMG! It was a latex thingie for the man's penis with a small battery powered stippled stimulator for the lady's whatsit ! The YouTube video above shows the plain version.

This one looks more elaborate, with a larger surface area for the bud tickler and sort of an emergency escape hatch at the back for the penis. The young Chinese lady behind the counter who had served him earlier noticed that he was back to look at the Durex item. She knew what it was of course. She giggled and sort of winked as he raised his eyebrows and expressed his amazement that such an object should be for sale and on display in a chemist shop. And placed at a the payment counter, AND at what would be eye-level for children. (I only thought this last bit, just now as I type this.)

Amused and shocked, E@L went back to the down escalators, muttering about the sad state of society these days, and thinking about what he could do with this discovery. It was like the "pleasure cream" which cures AIDS if you rub it on long enough he found in a hotel in China once. Obviously he could write this blog entry about it, maybe find a picture of it on the web, make a few jokes…

Then he thought, why not buy one? It was only $HK92 - what's that $S22? He could, like, try it out… With someone...

As E@L's mojo has been on 10 month sabbatical since his unsuccessful foot operation in January, maybe this device could be sufficiently amusing and arousing to kick-start the old desire engines, and get him out prowling for victims, er, companions. At least it would be a conversation starter. Or finisher. Or bring on a healthy bout of face slapping… At least he'd have the lady's attention!

Again E@L turned back towards the up-escalator and went into the Mannings once more. Of course there now were about 12 people crowding the check-out counter, making their purchases at that exact moment… He hung back, waiting for the crowd to thin. He felt like a 16 year old boy again, going to the chemist to buy a brown-paper-wrapped package of condoms… Hang on, he WAS at the chemist, and he WAS buying something made by Durex! But of course, E@L ain't 16 no more.

Eventually the people left but as E@L approached, that young Chinese lady attendant ducked under the counter to get something, and instead, out of nowhere, came this spray-toothed, black-mole faced crone to serve him. Shit, he would look like a, like a, sexual pervert to someone who hadn't shared the joke with him earlier, to this ugly old bat. He was torn between the desire to run away and the need to purchase a medium-firm rubber circlet to maintain the tumescence of an otherwise wilting erection, that had a battery powered vibrating additional piece of rubber positioned to strike at the clitoris (in the middle of everything) of any participating vulva, but only, obviously, at those times when the enringed penis was also completely envaginated, to the hilt as it were.

He was frozen in mid decision when the young lady popped and smiled at him.

"I'm going to buy one," he said to her as he handed the device to the old duck. The young lady rolled her eyes and made a strange/smiling face of humour and complicity. "To show my friends," he added. "For a joke..." The old woman had no idea what was going on here.

What WAS going on here? A bald fat old man was buying a sex-aid in public is what was fucking going on.

The next question is, when is it going on?

E@L