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Friday, November 27, 2009

Why Men Can Read Maps And...




E@L:
You Are Here
28 November 2008 at 10:58

Smoot
Any good map would already have that information printed on it.
28 November 2008 at 14:57 ·

E@L
A map cannot tell you where you are (except for those talking ones in the car) - the map moves around with you. How can the map tell where you are? Map-reading, it's an ancient interpretive arcane art-form and a relative thing. Motion, position, directional vector, velocity, acceleration; these things come into play. If the map was a picture affixed to a fixed position, then yes, it should have "You Are Here" printed on it, such as you find all too infrequently in labyrinthine places like Vivocity to aid one in their retail orientation, but not a fold up map you put into your pocket. A person could be anywhere on the planet and pull out that dinky map of Sentosa, and if he read the words "You Are Here" on it, he would think there had been a printer's error, or maybe someone had written the words on as a joke in poor taste, because in actual fact he is somewhere else, like in Kuwait, or in Chicago, to give merely two hypothetical examples. If he was in Chicago and for some reason and saw the map saying he was in Sentosa, it could provoke an existential crisis, a geographical conundrum, a metaphysical paradox, a psychological dissociation, cause a slight moment of disquiet to flutter in his breast and, until he realized that the words there were either due to the aforementioned printer's error or jape, he might rip all the warm clothes from his body run screaming with misplaced joy from his conference venue of McCormick Place into the swirling snowflakes on whatever that road outside is that goes past Wrigley (or whatever) Field, to get ready for a game of beach volleyball with some 97% naked teenage girls, or he might not if he was more shy type of person.

Which is why women can't read maps - they don't have "You Are Here" printed on them.
28 November 2008 at 15:44 ·

Smoot
... are you making fun of me? I'm not sure
28 November 2008 at 16:11

E@L
Surely I'd have written "I Am Pulling Your Leg" if I was pulling your leg...
28 November 2008 at 16:46 ·

Indy
So basically you were lost on Sentosa and hoped the useless tourist map would help?
28 November 2008 at 19:37 ·

Knobby
funniest thing i've read in a longg long time i can barely tyupe thru the tears
28 November 2008 at 22:21 ·

E@L
Funny? I was lost and serious!
29 November 2008 at 00:58 ·

Knobby
the two of you are a regular comic duo. you should charge!
29 November 2008 at 16:38 ·

Anon Friend
I am lost. Where were we?
29 November 2008 at 20:44 ·

E@L
There's a map around here somewhere. Oh no, it's upside down!
01 December 2008 at 21:53 ·


E@L's Facebook profile pic from last year.

5 comments:

MercerMachine said...

Bwahahaha! I'd forgotten about this. And Jennifer still prides herself on giving you this particular aneurysm.

expat@large said...

I can't recall anything funnier. No seriously, I can't. I can't... remember... I'm having... headache... trouble with my... (lapses in unconsiousness)

savannah said...

so, where are you again?




*snickering*


*really laughing out loud*

Skippy-san said...

Women cannot read maps-at least the S.O. cannot. Which would be fine-provided she recognized it and simply went in the direction I told her too. But she thinks she knows where she is-even when she doesn't.

expat@large said...

They printed driving maps which were North-South inverted for people travelling south in England. Women snapped them up. Kid you not.

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