Friday, August 14, 2009

Kopi Luwak

MMmmm... mm? Uuuuckkk-uck-splutter!

OMG, this coffee tastes like some cat shat it out on the jungle floor of Sumatra!

Oh, really? Sorry everyone, it's meant to taste that way; it should do, because that's exactly what has happened.

One of the guys in the office managed to pick up an elaborately packaged box of (Certificate of Authenticity included) 100% kopi luwak on his last trip to Indonesia. My spluttering opening was in reality a rhetorical device because we haven't yet cracked the seal on it, but I expect we will all be incredibly disappointed, like seeing Bryan Ferry or Van Morrison live in concert.

This, the MOST EXPENSIVE COFFEE IN THE WORLD [Note: not the BEST, merely the most expensive], is made from ripe coffee beans that have been eaten right from the tree and then eventually defecated out by the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus) which, paradoxical rumour had it, is an hermaphrodite - but no, it's just prominent scent glands. This paradoxially un-cat-like creature eats whatever variety of coffee bean it finds, which is Arabica in this particular brands' plantation. That means much kopi luwak on sale may vary in its flavour because it may not be any specific variety of bean, just those beans which have had that special enzymatic processing they can only experience in the stomach and duodenum of the mammal that probably started the SARS epidemic (or not).

This is from the brochure:

The resulting coffee is said to be like no other. It has a rich, heavy flavour with hints of caramel or chocolate. Other terms used to describe are earthy, musty and exotic. The body is almost syrupy and it's very smooth.

The same it may be said, E@L points out, of runny shit.

BTW, the stuffs that sell in exclusive shops for about $50 might only be 2% kopi luwak, mixed with whatever caffeine-rich bean is going cheap.

That's the rumah!




Dick Headley said...

"Pynchon's most accessible novel in years..." Can't remember where I read that but great news for readers with Alzheimers.

Good luck with the coffee.

expat@large said...

DH: Pynchon wrote an accessible novel about hermaphroditic cats? WTF are you talking about Dick? Get a grip man! That was, like, two posts ago!

I mean, you fucken old people, shit... get in touch! Is not the sixites no more! Yeah right, is eighties orredy! Yeah! Shave my head in support of gay cause, "Cars... bop.. bop. de-bop, cars..." wot fucken brilliant song eh???

expat@large said...

DH: sorry, it sounded funny at the time. I've had a bath since.

Momentary Madness said...

I'll have tea, thanks"

savannah said...

just goes to should you, some people really do have more money than sense! xoxo

savannah said...

*ack* show you not should you...note to self: stop commenting when medicated *sigh*

by the by, re automatic updates - check the preferences file and set updates to manual, not automatic. :~D
(oh no, i just did a dh and posted that last comment in the wrong place!*sigh again*)

Momentary Madness said...

Savannah, I wonder hat Freud would say about that: E@L "should have more sense," and he knows he should;-) ;-) ;-)

expat@large said...

Sav: updates - I have, I do.

MomMad: I've sense enough not to stick my sensitive nose into that coffee tin!

ruesedaine said...

The equivalent of Kopi Luwak is Jacu Bird coffee from Brazil.

Unknown said...

Robin: Holy Bat Shit Batman.
Batman: I think you mean Holy Cat Shit Robin.

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