Love this one...
Chase Me Ladies, I'm In The Cavalry.
Saw a girl on the bus today, bit of a fox, so I sat down opposite and attracted her attention by bursting a balloon. “I am a tomato,” I announced, when she looked up. “So am I a fruit... or a vegetable?” She didn't know, so I explained to her in a nerd voice that technically I am a fruit in that I grow above ground, but that the United States Agricultural Department considers me a vegetable for the purposes of import levy.
Sadly, she did not speak English, otherwise we would have been getting naked within the hour. I have personally had over six hundred women using this method.
The line, "Chase Me Ladies, I'm in The Cavalry," comes, I am sure I don't need to remind you (but I must, I must!), from James Joyce's Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man, viz:
—So we must distinguish between elliptical and ellipsoidal. Perhaps some of you gentlemen may be familiar with the works of Mr W. S. Gilbert. In one of his songs he speaks of the billiard sharp who is condemned to play:
On a cloth untrue
With a twisted cue
And elliptical billiard balls.
—He means a ball having the form of the ellipsoid of the principal axes of which I spoke a moment ago.
Moynihan leaned down towards Stephen's ear and murmured:
—What price ellipsoidal balls! chase me, ladies, I'm in the cavalry!