Bruce tells E@L he had a massage, sans happy ending in Chiang Mai! WTF? It was his frackin' BIRTHDAY - thank you Facebook! - but after his rhythmical back slaps and neck pinch, nothing. He gets dressed, walks out in a huff, determined to do better.
Tromps down the street to the least likely to be honest place, in the dark heart of Loi Kroh Road, where a short, dumpy but nice personality mamasan calls out to invite him in for a "massage". She points down to a shanty room at the back of what was once (like last week) a travel agency judging by the posters of Dubrovnic on the walls.
"You wan massage? 60 minute, 90 minute, oil, Thai, foot massage."
"No, no," he says. "I want a happy ending, forget the massage. I want a blow-job or a chuck-wow. Already had a massage."
She looks at him for a second, doesn't ask him to repeat the request, but leads him by the hand inside. They go past uninterested, bored girls playing with eye-make in mirrors or plucking at a bit of guava peel caught in a tooth-gap, all too unenthusiastic and unattractive to get a job elsewhere; they don't even look up.
"Special service, for you," whipsers mamasan. "But we take our time. No rush, have 60 minutes of massage time."
60 minutes was not required.
At Club "Paradise". The usual. Reliable, predictable, professional, nice and friendly.
As the other girl was showering, one was re-energizing her skin with moisturizer (so many showers in a day) and looking benignly on Bruce as he pulled up his underwear.
"I like your cock," she says, unexpectedly wistful.
Bruce looks up at her as she stands on the other side of the bed, briskly working the cheap lotion into her small breast and thin rib-cage, looking at his package, her facial expression completely neutral: she is stating a fact, neither praising, nor criticizing.
"It's not too long."
What do you say after that? Thanks? Yes, so I've heard?
He can't confirm her opinion as, thanks to his his belly, except for an occasional glimpse in these mirrors as it disappeared inside her and her colleague's anatomy, he hasn't seen it for years.
"Too long can hurt. Yours nice."
Nice to know, Bruce supposes.
When Bruce told us this, we completely cracked up... People in the pub, the waitresses, the bar-staff all looked at us. Crazy ang mohs.
The Big Idea: Maurice Broaddus - April has been light on Big Idea posts because I’m on tour (don’t worry, May’s gonna be packed), but let’s make sure we don’t get through this last week of...
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