tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post2550750189518548521..comments2023-12-15T01:18:40.855+11:00Comments on Expat@Large: Story Competition: Application #1expat@largehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01250623536121293636noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post-88934137097364308252011-04-12T23:38:36.495+10:002011-04-12T23:38:36.495+10:00p.s. the teddy bear named Scotty should have been ...p.s. the teddy bear named Scotty should have been a clue.expat@largehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01250623536121293636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post-15701493518715438212011-04-12T23:36:53.238+10:002011-04-12T23:36:53.238+10:00Well yes, the start was purposeful misdirection, t...Well yes, the start was purposeful misdirection, trying to give it that 30's feel to go with the photo (or how I see it). In a slightly longer draft (this is a draft too of course) I spend a bit of time on making their clothes seem more periodic as well. The erection thing and the mathematics thing were last minute inclusions actually, a) to make it seem like this was a REALLY pleasant sensation not scary after all, and b) to set up for the Transform Courier pun. There's a pun? The Fourier Transform is a mathematical way to separate or break down information such as complex sound or light into its contained frequencies. Courier - Fourier. No? Nevermind.<br /><br />Mike, great point about the kid being too young to be involved in the decision for the holiday! Sharp mind!!!<br />That is the sort of logical or continuity error that I adore picking out in other people's writing and in movies! <br /> <br />I LOVE you people! Seriously I do!expat@largehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01250623536121293636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post-71577749305364635692011-04-12T05:06:14.332+10:002011-04-12T05:06:14.332+10:00This is awesome! I too loved how the beginning had...This is awesome! I too loved how the beginning had me wondering if this was going to be some version of a concentration camp train ride.<br /><br />'our long-cherished family dream' except of course the little one is too little to have cherished the dream much, and is not enjoying the trip so far. An I can totally see this as a story about the dad pushing the family to have fun fun fun on this be-all and end all of vacations that he's literally saved for for years, and they're just miserable....<br /><br />Anyway, this rocks. No fooling.Michael McClunghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14708067144914238641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post-798492502731368992011-04-12T02:15:20.875+10:002011-04-12T02:15:20.875+10:00glad to know i wasn't the only one who read it...glad to know i wasn't the only one who read it as a possible historical piece! (i think the photo gave me a mind set.) again i have to agree with the first reviewer about the misplaced erection comment. overall, i'm hooked and i want more! xoxosavannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04310843901371718758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post-47111155799320109732011-04-11T23:48:05.529+10:002011-04-11T23:48:05.529+10:00PC: man, you are one fast reviewer. Thank's f...PC: man, you are one fast reviewer. Thank's for +ve and ESPECIALLY thanks for the -ves. I think I did get 'carried away' a bit there, tell you why later (the word joke may have something to do with it). Can hear it clang now. <br /><br />I haven't written anything in purely out of my imagination for ages and ages...expat@largehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01250623536121293636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26717801.post-53948684692064596642011-04-11T21:45:49.296+10:002011-04-11T21:45:49.296+10:00Quite a journey really...Neat !
At the beginning I...Quite a journey really...Neat !<br />At the beginning I was trying to figure out whether you were heading off in a Harry Potteresque experience (ooh- I know you'd hate that :-) ) or a concentration camp in Eastern Europe. <br />Once I got over trying to predict an end, I was quite taken up (literally)<br />The reader (me) particpates in what you describe. Works well. Slightly surreal and transcendental without crossing completely into fantasy or scifi<br />V clever<br />P<br /><br />- Tiny -ve : Didn't like "Thanks to the mathematical equations that underpin this process" ...& erections??<br /><br />This thinking seems out of kilter with the other experiences/ reflections of this person<br /><br />Hope this is what you wanted me to doUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05470271092372747170noreply@blogger.com